1. The Pimped Out Bedazzled Tom Brady
Do you ever just throw on all your bling to go out for a casual dinner? Are diamonds the key to your heart? Do you ever wake up and think, “Wow I’m rich and hot and good at football. Today is going to be awesome.” A Pimped Out Bedazzled Tom Brady is someone who appreciates the finer things in life, and isn’t afraid to show the world how amazing life is.
2. The Sultry, Beanie Loving Tom Brady
Does your head ever get chilly when you run? Do you ever have a bad hair day and whip out a beanie when the cameramen come along? Do you ever wear a helmet so much that you can’t handle the feeling of a breeze on your hair and you have to your head covered at all times? A Sultry, Beanie Loving Tom Brady is committed, not only to head warmth, but also to pondering life’s deeper questions and getting at the core of our purpose on earth.
3. The Thunder From Down Under Tom Brady
Do you ever go to Australia on a hot day, lie down in the wild grasses, throw on your Ugg fur jacket, and scrunch your eyebrows pensively? Do you ever accentuate your chin dimple so much that it makes you wonder how many raisins you could fit in it? A Thunder From Down Under Tom Brady is well traveled and may often may find themselves being called “trendy” by hipster youths.
4. The Thug Life Tom Brady
Do you like rough and tumble horse play? Do you faceplant at ranas on a regular basis? Do people punch you in the face on a regular basis? Do the bags under your eyes ever mysteriously turn black and swollen? A Thug Life Tom Brady isn’t afraid to live life to the fullest, even if that means taking a hit to the noggin every so often.
5. The Reckless Driver Tom Brady
Do you ever drive while giving someone a piggyback ride? Do you like people breathing in your ear? Do you enjoy the thrill of not looking at the road and hoping for the best? A Reckless Driver Tom Brady is someone who plays it fast and loose, throws caution to the wind, and takes living in the moment to a whole new level.
6. The “I’m just a silly goose!” Tom Brady
Are you happy go-lucky? Do you ever get paid millions of dollars by Microsoft Surface to smile whenever you’re in front of one of their billboards? Do you ever watch football and just start giggling because grown men are wearing tights and tackling each other for no apparent reason? An “I’m just a silly goose” Tom Brady knows how to make the best of every situation and isn’t afraid to whip out those pearly whites when a good feeling comes knocking.
7. The “Look Back At” It Tom Brady
Do you ever check behind you when walking alone at night? Do you ever see the booty from a distance, but don’t turn your head because that would be way too obvious? Have you gotten so many concussions that sometimes you lose control of your eyeballs? A Look Back At It Tom Brady is often wary and suspicious of others, and may take a long time to fully trust others.
8. The Tony Hawk Tom Brady
Are you in your 30’s and still find it appropriate to wear a backwards hat? Do you ever prepare for a work presentation and think, “I’m going for a skater vibe today”? Do you ever find yourself gazing enviously at children ripsticking in the park? A Tony Hawk Tom Brady has a child’s spirit at heart, and most importantly, not only skates to live, but lives to skate.
While sometimes it may feel like being a regular person is just not enough when we look at the lives of celebrities, we all have to remember that hot football players are people too. In a sense, we are all Tom Brady, and we are all winners. Unless the Patriots lose on Sunday, and then in that case, we are all losers.
