Woman Secretly Scared of John Stamos Really Wants You to Know the Girl Who Played DJ is Homophobic


Candace Cameron Bure, best known for role as DJ Tanner on Full House, recently severed ties with the Hallmark channel despite it being her only steady source of employment for the past fifteen years. Bure’s decision followed her outrage over a scene in her now-canceled movie Tanenbaum Crush where two male extras shared a side-hug. Bure will release a version of the film that replaces this one-second scene with a clip from a Trump Rally and this one woman really wants to make sure you know about it.

“Knowing what she’s done, how can anyone in their right mind watch Full House. Nick@Nite should stop airing it immediately,” the woman said in an Instagram reel that was posted at 3:56 a.m.

This was not the woman’s first attempt at limiting global access to Full House. In 2019, she posted a TikTok telling people to boycott Full House after Lori McLaughlin was exposed for bribing her daughter into college. In 2014, she took to Tumblr to issue the same warning after allegations of sexual misconduct arose against Bob Saget. In 1995 when Alanis Morrissette released “You Oughta Know” slandering Dave Coulier of “Cut it Out” fame, she sent out several messages via AIM begging TV stations to stop airing reruns.

Missing from all these ploys, however, was the truth: the woman’s crippling fear of John Stamos.

According to the woman, the phobia developed after she had a dream that John Stamos, who portrays cool guy Uncle Jesse, broke into her house and stole her wallet. 

“It was really frightening, he threw an electric guitar through my window and snatched my wallet,” she said. “I was only seven at the time so all I had in there was a five dollar bill and a cheetah-shaped Silly Band.” 

The woman said that since that dream, she has developed severe sleep paralysis and that her demon takes the form of John Stamos. This has resulted in an extreme loss of sleep and paranoia. She said, “I want to sleep because then I get to momentarily escape the reality John Stamos exists in, but then I sleep and there he is again in my dreams and at the end of my bed.” 

The woman, who has asked to remain anonymous “for her safety,” stated that she will not rest until Full House has been completely erased from media history.

“The cast just keeps doing all these bad things. You’d think society would band together and give that show what it deserves. If not for my sake, then for the children’s sake. The longer this show is on the air, the more opportunities the kids have to be exposed to these terrible people and then the next day Little Jenny cries when she sees John Stamos in the live action Little Mermaid because the previous night she had a dream he pushed her down the stairs.” 

The woman shared that she was nervous the scandal with Bure still may not be enough to achieve full Full House elimination, but that wouldn’t stop her from continuing to try to spread her message.

“Maybe something weird will come out about the Olsen twins,” she said. “I’d even plant something in their house if that means I never have to see John Stamos’ smug face ever again.” 

  • January 16, 2023