Top 10 Spoooookiest Halloween Costumes

Well shove a pumpkin up my ass and call me spooky, it’s October! Here are ten Slant-approved costumes to try out this year for the greatest holiday on earth: Halloween!

1. A Sexy Commodore

Show your Vandy pride by going as our very own mascot, Mr. Commodore. While his muscular thighs and perfect quiff are no doubt beautiful, we recommend you step it up a notch and go full-on Daddy C. You can take it from here.

     2. Zeppos’ Tooth Gap

Another way to show you love your school is by dressing as Chancellor Nick Zeppos. But that’s too easy, so we recommend going as a more specific part of Zeppos that we all know and love: the tooth gap. While one would think that a three million dollar bonus would be enough to afford some cosmetic dentistry, here at The Slant we are glad he chose to keep his distinct feature that rivals the size of the wage gap between Vanderbilt dining workers and Nicky Z himself. Just pop on a black morph suit and you’re good to go!

    3. A Yellow Bike That’s Not An ofo

Want to really mess with your friends and enemies alike? Stand outside Rand in this costume and watch people run up to you in excitement, then turn away in total disappointment.

    4. A Lime (Scooter) and A Corona

A match made in bachelorette-on-Broadway heaven, and also a super cute couples costume. Would this count as drinking and driving? (Insert emoji of pensive face stroking chin)

     5. A Sexy Cicada

An alternative to spicy Mr.C that will still help you woo all the freshman boys as you wander around Commons in a desperate search for some sort of approval. Sure you hear these bad boys at night, but have you ever seen one? Google it right now if you want to be turned on, ’cause nothing’s hotter than these lil things. Period.

     6. The Commons Grilled Chicken Breast

Will you give someone food poisoning? Are you just cooked enough to be safe to eat? Does all the moisture within a ten mile radius evaporate? Leave your friends guessing and send vegans running in horror with this spoooooky costume.

      7. The East, North, and Memorial Laundry Rooms

Have your friends been pressuring you into going to a Halloween party but you’d rather stay in your room and eat Cheetos off your carpet? Us too. That’s why we’d recommend going as one of these three house laundry rooms ’cause, guess what? They don’t exist.

       8. Two Squirrels Having Sex Outside Your Dorm Room

We know they need to do it somewhere, but seeing it at 7:30 am right outside your door is utterly horrifying. Channel that with this fun and unique couples costume!

       9. The Language Proficiency Requirement

As if being premed isn’t scary enough, guess what, you also have to be fluent in Chinese. Happy Halloween bitches!

       10. A Milkshake from the Pub

For when you don’t want to look like a snacc, you want to look like an entrée.