TIME Wanted Me to Be Their Person of the Year, but I Just Want a Baby: A Series of Tweets by Donald Trump

The LAZY writers at failing #TIME Magazine called me on their GREEN telephone and asked me to be their Person of the Year but said I would need to do a photoshoot at their headquarters, so I said no and thanks anyway and that actually I really just would like a baby. (1/9)

I would just like a BEAUTIFUL baby with CHUBBY cheeks that I can take care of and #BREASTfeed. Everybody is talking about them: babies are great. I don’t need the Person of the Year because I am already the Person of the Year in the eyes of REAL Americans… (2/9)

What I do need, however, is a precious child of my very own to rock to sleep on LONESOME nights. It would fulfill me in a DEEPER way if I could have a LASTING impact on a non-crooked infant! (3/9)

Then I would not be so Sad! (4/9)

Yes, I realize I already have several COOL children. One of my children is cooler than the other children, but they are all nonetheless cool to a degree. But I would like a NEW one that is cute and #notyetcorruptedbythewickedwaysoftheworld. This would make me the #1 Happiest President According to the Princeton Review. (5/9)

Other statistics released by the failing Princeton Review CONSTITUTE FAKE NEWS, as a side #note. (6/9)

If there emerged offspring of my own from my loins, everything would be way better, Obama would have been in born in the UNITED st8s, and Mike Pence would not smell so ODD! Furthermore, this baby and I could do things together, like eat #Oatmeal and play with our FAILING, CROOKED TOES. (7/9)

I have an ISSUE with LONELINESS that is the natural result of my being superior to EVERY LIVING #BEING! (8/9)

If you have any spare babies, please mail them to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, along with some cheese. #CHEESE #BABIES #MAGACHEESEBABIES #CHEESE (9/9)