Drunk Freshman Who Did Choir in High School Still Can’t Hit High Note in Kesha’s “Praying”


Nashville, TN — At a house party over the weekend, Vanderbilt freshman Kyle Simmons—who was an active member of his high school’s choir—attempted to hit the high note in Praying, the popular song from singer Kesha.

According to reports, when the song first came on, Simmons cleared the dance floor and began a traditional vocal warm up during the song’s stripped down intro.

“We kept telling him, ‘Kyle, it’s a whistle tone. Your voice will never get that high,’” said one of Simmons’ friends. “But he just gave me the finger and drunkenly told me, ‘Bitch, who do you think got the lead in Fillmore High School Choir’s 2016 rendition of Frank Ocean’s Thinking Bout You?’ But I knew those high notes weren’t comparable. I knew he was screwed.”

When the moment finally came, partygoers recall hearing a horrific shriek from Kyle. Some described the sound as a “dying goat” while others said the shriek reminded them of “what happens when a pubescent middle school boy says ‘here’ during attendance without clearing his throat first.”

An anonymous bystander told The Slant that following Kyle’s failed attempt, one of his peers approached him with his hand out and told Kyle, “your voice was here,” before raising his hand several inches and adding, “but it needed to be here.”

Later in the night, Kyle was seen taking two more shots and making everyone quiet down in anticipation of the part in “Party in the U.S.A.” where Miley Cyrus says “Nashville Party.”

  • November 13, 2017