By: Kyle Kowalski It’s you and the TV. No distractions, no obligations, no pressures from the outside world. Just pure sloth and reruns of Friends. But within seconds, you’re blasted with bright colors and a blaring soundtrack from the early 2010s. There are sports cars, models, slot machines spitting out money. What is this? It’s a toothpaste commercial. All these … [Read more...] about Nine Out of Ten Dentists Ignore the Dangers of Peer Pressure
Archives for February 2022
By: Brendan Wendlandt Vanderbilt Chancellor Daniel Diermeier has been implicated in a potential conflict of interest with a Spanish oil company, Deoleo, presumably for his own financial benefit and/or pleasure. A formal complaint was written to Vanderbilt’s Office of Investigation Logistics (OIL), requesting a full investigation into Diermier’s gluttonous … [Read more...] about Secrets Unveiled: Diermeier in Deep with Big Olive Oil
1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. 3) Bumble. #2 is a prerequisite for this. I’m not saying it will go well—truth be told, it … [Read more...] about 10 Best Valentine’s Day Alternatives for the Lone Wolf
By: Julia Schmitt Taylor Swift released her long-awaited Red (Taylor’s Version) album two months ago, capitalizing on unresolved preadolescent trauma most listeners did not have in the first place. As gaggles of post quarantine and WAP twenty-somethings reconnect with the absolute worst versions of themselves, Vanderbilt senior Jeremy has landed in some hot water! A … [Read more...] about BREAKING: Kid Named Jeremy Appropriates Taylor Swift Song Intended to Eviscerate Asshats Like Him!
By: Connor Pattinson I am a resident of one of the grossest cesspools of bile, filth and degeneracy any of us have ever experienced. No, I don’t mean Nashville, but I do mean Vanderbilt housing (that isn’t Zeppos or Kissam). I am one of the several hundred poor, unfortunate sons of bitches stuck in Morgan Hall on Vanderbilt’s Highland Quad, or as we have taken to calling it, … [Read more...] about I Reached Out to Vanderbilt Administration for a Statement about Mold and All I Got Was A Big “Fuck You”