1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. ...
By: Julia Schmitt Taylor Swift released her long-awaited Red (Taylor’s Version) album two months ago, capitalizing on unresolved preadolescent trauma most listeners did not have in the first place. As gaggles of post quarantine and WAP twenty-somethings reconnect with the absolute worst versions of themselves, Vanderbilt senior Jeremy has landed...
By: Julia Schmitt Your grandmother, my grandmother and America’s Matt Gaetz agree: you were a hot piece of ass in seventh grade! Thigh gap? Braless? Grossly asleep in a world waterboarded in serpentine patriarchal injustice? Bummer, seems like you really let yourself go by letting your body develop with age. ...
By: Cameron Peloso I’ve never been the type of person who buys into fad diets. I mean, did I go pescatarian during that period of 2017-2018 where everyone was cutting meat out of their diet? Yes. But other than that, I practice what I recently learned on TikTok is called...
By: Keiji Chan Classes this semester got you down? Putting too much emphasis on the “play hard” portion of “work hard, play hard” school? Not putting enough emphasis on either and instead focusing your efforts towards hunting down and capturing that pesky, frugal scammer known as the tooth fairy? If...
