Kids these days. They don’t remember the troubling times of the lawless, anarchic 2000s where anything went. Y2K embedded a youthful nonchalance in newly-wed couples to give their children anything plastic into which they could sink their teeth. Asbestos was out, but microplastics were IN. Late-night TV ads offered a...
If they were a true friend they would understand that when you make a commitment, you stand by it. Yeah sure, the shirt started as a satiric play on the frat guys who wear it seriously even though they have most certainly never seen a breast in their life. But...
I was going to write a fun little article about how to give imposter syndrome to someone, probably that annoying frat boy who thinks he’s God’s gift to Earth in your philosophy class, but I realized I have bigger issues. Or, smaller issues. Lice. Head lice, to be precise. Not...
My eyes are bloodshot red. I haven’t blinked in the past hour. My room is dark except for the white and blue light emanating from my screen. My friends are all going out tonight. Probably going to some bar or kickback where they will interact with real people and hear...
What they don’t tell you about satirical publications is that the writers are actually not funny whatsoever. They are the most painfully awkward and insufferable people you will ever meet. Trust me, I know; I am one. I did not attend a single Slant meeting last semester. Here is what...
