Dear Professor, I just wanted to apologize for my thoughtlessness in asking you to reschedule your midterm. You were right in your refusal to do so. It was a gross oversight on my part, as I should have considered the importance of your midterm over Yom Kippur. You clearly established...
My eyes are bloodshot red. I haven’t blinked in the past hour. My room is dark except for the white and blue light emanating from my screen. My friends are all going out tonight. Probably going to some bar or kickback where they will interact with real people and hear...
What they don’t tell you about satirical publications is that the writers are actually not funny whatsoever. They are the most painfully awkward and insufferable people you will ever meet. Trust me, I know; I am one. I did not attend a single Slant meeting last semester. Here is what...
Izzy is not a nice cat. It isn’t her fault. Her family of eight years left her in the hands of their cat-obsessed next-door neighbor when they moved. Rumor around town was that ungodly things happened to the many cats in that house, but when the neighbor died on a...
By: Danielle Bernstein It’s that time of year again. With all the new pledges eagerly excited to swallow live goldfish and sacrifice their first-born son to their new brothers, date parties are back and better than ever, baby. And with all the hullabaloo of who’s bringing who and who’s wearing...
