Yes, I Lied on GoFundMe to Fund My Fall Break Trip

By Nick Gebo

Okay, fine. I admit it. 

When I need a little extra money, I sometimes — and I swear I don’t do this often — will make GoFundMe campaigns asking people for money to treat medical conditions I don’t actually have. 

Now before you say anything, people don’t realize how much work this actually is. Finding stock photos, getting the ball rolling with some fake donations, forging medical records – these things take time, so it’s not like I’m getting paid for nothing. 

“You monster. That’s not the point. You’re taking money away from real, sick people who actually need it.”

Am I really? You see, GoFundMe’s greatness comes from how democratic it is. We as a society get to sort of vote on who gets healthcare. If others’ campaigns aren’t as flashy as mine, that’s not my fault. Increased competition is good for everyone. 

The way I see it, I am just forcing these families and their children to learn to market themselves and tell a compelling story – skills the children will need later if they are to survive. If you can’t market yourself as a cute, sick child, you certainly won’t be able to sell anything worthwhile when you’re older.

And I mean, people are celebrated for making billions gatekeeping healthcare in this country every day. Whenever I open LinkedIn I see yet another colleague getting showered with praise for their new job at some massive health insurance firm with $10,000 deductibles. But all of a sudden I need to explain myself when I get in on the action? 

Also, don’t even get me started with the campaigns for mental health problems. Therapists are literally only like $180 per appointment. That’s like $1,500 per month tops. Chances are you’re scheduling weeks out, so I don’t know, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if instead of begging for money online you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and made the money to pay for it yourself. Like you aren’t even physically impaired, just get a job and think through the issues in your life. You bet my clear mind and soul will be competing with you for those free handouts online. 

And donating is way more messed up anyways. I mean how sick do you have to be to get home after a long day and decide it’s time to hop on GoFundMe with $20 so you can play god like some low budget Willy Wonka.

The hypocrisy is astounding and I’ve had enough of dealing with it. See you all in Vegas this fall.