Is The Hustler Racist?

New report finds tremendous lack of diversity in newspaper’s writing

VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY, NASHVILLE, TN- Shock and awe reverberated across campus this Saturday as The Hustler, Vanderbilt’s now second most widely read newspaper, was condemned for its lack of diversity by the student body.  Students complained that the newspaper has put no effort into breaking language barriers at the school; almost all of their articles have been written in English.

Students learned about the discrimination Saturday morning, when a private investigative source released a full account of the Hustler’s reporting history.  Over the course of the last decade, a surprising 99.7% of articles were written in English, with no translative material to be found.  We can only assume that the number of students and faculty affected reached numbers on par with casualties of Hurricane Katrina. Chancellor Zeppos indicated that this might be “the worst thing to ever happen at Vanderbilt.”

“Just imagine the difficulty,” remarked one international student (who wished to remain anonymous).  “I come to this new country with dreams of freedom and progressive reading material, but when I got here, I realized they don’t even print the Hustler in German!  And they call themselves inclusive.”

The lack of diversity doesn’t stop there.  According to one source, the Hustler doesn’t include braille copies or auditory versions of their material for the visually and auditorily impaired.  “Ableism is still a huge issue on college campuses,” commented one Vanderbilt professor. “It seems that the Hustler has a clear prejudice against disabled people.”  Furthermore, colorblind members of the community have only one color scheme option from which they can view the newspaper, making their reading experience a needlessly confusing endeavour.  A Swedish student expressed his concern this weekend: “Media entities are supposed to be standing up for the little guy, not oppressing them. The Hustler is simply being racist.”  When asked for comment, the Hustler only responded: “We can’t cater to every minority.  If those people don’t like it, they can go back to their countries.”

Sunday, following much internal controversy, the paper finally cut its ties to the Westboro Baptist Church.