It’s a terrible feeling: you come up with the most fun, creative, silly and topical Halloween costume idea only to have some stupid liberal snowflake tell you that it’s racist. “It’s not okay to dress up as a cop right now,” they whine. “Take off that turban, you idiot. It’s fucked up to dress as Bin Laden,” they complain, but deep down you know that they’re just jealous of your genius costume ideas. Nonetheless, you know that you have to come up with a new costume idea since your cool, edgy one is now ruined. If this sounds like you, consider these less aggressively racist/problematic alternatives:
Cop costume flopped? Try dressing up as Paul Blart!
With the same dominant, authoritative energy but minus the institutionalized racism, Paul Blart offers a better option for all of you closeted bootlickers. As long as you have a robust mustache, a paternity test confirming that you are the father of Raini Rodriguez and a segway that you never dismount you should be all set.
Thinking of dressing up as Donald Trump, or anyone else who is nothing but a nightmare of a human being? Consider a tasteful slutty Mr. Moseby costume instead.
This one is kind of counterintuitive, but rather than dressing up as a divisive figure who has caused a metric shitload of unnecessary suffering, try dressing up as a hot Mr. Moseby, a unifying figure who has contributed nothing but positivity – and lobby safety information – to society. All you need for this costume is a sexy (but classy) suit and tie, the obligatory “No Running in my Lobby” sign and a permanent look of rage and disapproval.
If you were planning a spicy ISIS costume but reconsidered when you realized you kind of suck as a person, dressing up as slutty Jesus is the way to go.
Same religious overtones, but less problematic. I think it’s kind of the general consensus that making fun of Christians is fine, so slap on a low-cut tunic, a push-up bra and throw some leaves or sticks on your head (I’m Jewish, idk what that vegetation on his head is). You’re ready to go!