The elves are threatening to stop present-production altogether if Santa does not agree to increase wages and allow South Pole elves to work in the factories.
News
“Like in the news you’ll hear all about this ‘war on drugs’ and stuff, but honestly I feel that the United States has technically already legalized marijuana use for a portion of the population – the rich and privileged,” said Jonathan.
“Yeah,” he said, “it’s cool that Gramps, like, uses xyr preferred pronouns and all, but I’ve been going by Matt since I learned to speak and he still only calls me Matthew!”
Symptoms include a sudden inability to read clocks, a preference for clothing that resembles blankets, and selective hearing.
In his report, Elliott states, “After 80 hours straight of intense scientific study, I have discovered that the clowns are not real clowns; they are actually people that have painted their face and put on a clown costume.”
