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Along with unpaid workers and pissed off civilians, the government shutdown brought closures to hundreds of America’s favorite pastimes: museums. One unfortunate museum-goer passed out in the Hall of North American Insects and awoke to find himself alone, only to be discovered 35 days later. Security guards entered the museum...

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  • February 6, 2019

Investigative reporters for The Slant have uncovered a memo from Chief of Police Steve Anderson, addressed to the entire Nashville Metro Police Department. It reads: Colleagues, My daughter recently informed me that we are in the midst of what the youth call “cuffing season.” In the spirit of the season,...

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  • January 27, 2019

Ogallala, Nebraska: In what the Ogallala Police Department called the worst crime scene ever witnessed, three were killed early Monday morning as Nebraskans everywhere rushed to get the best Cyber Monday deals. People were lined up hours before stores opened, hoping to catch a steal-o’-deal on a Blu-ray DVD Player....

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  • November 28, 2018

I may be a burglar but I’m no arrogant fool. I know what my capabilities are and if I can burglar my way into $5, $6 a day, I’m one happy boy. So that’s why I knew I hit the jackpot last night. I strapped on my robbing shoes, robbing...

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  • November 27, 2018