Fall Break Just Ended, But I Still Want to Die

The start of fall break: a glorious time when everyone says “I’m going to get so ahead on all my work!” and then ends up watching a vegan chili recipe video on repeat for 13 straight hours – they’re mesmerizing, trust me. Many Vanderbilt students went home during break, but for those of us whose parents don’t love them, we were stuck on a desolate campus in which Rand cookies were underproduced and our willpower to get out of bed before noon was virtually nonexistent.

This fall break undoubtedly gave me a lot of time to think and self-reflect, especially about how much I hate my life. I’m just kidding, I thought about vegan chili the entire time. But I’m also not kidding. The most exciting thing to happen on campus was that it didn’t rain for the first ten minutes of break, but then it did rain, so in other news, there was actually nothing that happened.

The actual best part about fall break though, was the fact that there was no one on campus to annoy the hell out of you. That hot mess named Kelly from math wasn’t calling you at one a.m sobbing about how an Ofo somehow ended up in her room. The only person sobbing at one a.m was you. That frat boy named Noah was too busy snorting cocaine on the Gulf coast to ask if you had any weed on you for the fourth time that day. Noah kind of sucks, but you probably wished you were Noah during that break.

Overall, being on campus for fall break can only be described as a very lax and low-key shitshow. If you weren’t intoxicated for at least three out of the four days, I’d call that a win. If you were, I’d just call that being a Vandy student. If you don’t remember, it was probably for all four days – welcome back to hell.