Top 10 Ways to Avoid Talking About Politics at Thanksgiving

10. Make sure your mouth is always full of mashed potatoes.

9. Eat so much turkey that the tryptophan knocks you out until 2020.

8. Talk about your love life and the classes you are failing.

7. Constant, low-tone screaming.

6. Crawl on the ceiling with your head spinning like in The Exorcist.

5. Throw up on the nice carpet.

4. Release hundreds of crickets into your grandmother’s house.

3. Ask someone to explain why Daddy left.

2. Sing Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you” under your breath over and over and see if anyone notices.

1. Slam a dildo on the table in the middle of dinner.