Top Artists Whose Art I Have to Separate Them From to Enjoy

By Jake Owens

It’s happened to all of us at least once. You start getting really into a certain actor or musician, you watch all of their movies, listen to all of their songs, before stumbling upon an article describing in excruciating detail how much of a monster they are. Whether it be your friend wanting to ruin your listening experience, a song with lyrics clearly written by a fucking maniac or your own unfortunate curiosity, when the realization hits, it hurts everytime. Luckily, there is a way to continue enjoying the art of these monsters. If you just tell people you “separate the art from the artist” and remind them that they still enjoy Michael Jackson’s music, then you will be safe from criticism. With that said, here are my favorite artists whose art I have to separate them from to enjoy. 

10. Adam Levine 

The least bad of anyone on this list, I wanted to start out with someone who just kinda sucks. Adam Levine is best known as the lead singer for pop boy band Maroon 5. Amongst his many adoring fans is my grandmother, who I remember crying when Maroon 5 broke up. I get it, but unfortunately every time I hear any of his music, I can’t help but think about how strange it is for a man who wrote all these love songs to cheat on his wife. Well, I guess maybe the songs weren’t about his wife…

9. Roald Dahl

Now listen, I love “James and the Giant Peach” as much as the next guy who used to be eight years old. I read “The BFG” in middle school and ended up being very concerned about being awake during the Witching Hour. Dahl’s work is ubiquitous in the minds of my generation. None of that changes the fact that Roald Dahl was a prick. Everyone in his life hated him, and it was his fault. Truly a miserable person. Besides just being a dick, though, he was also wildly racist. His original Oompa Loompas were caricatures of African people, and he has been quoted as having said Jewish people had it coming to them during the holocaust. Hey, wasn’t the point of the BFG to accept those whose culture and way of life seems different to your own? Or maybe the giants were just meant to represent the Scottish.

8. Chevy Chase

My favorite sitcom of all time is Dan Harmon’s “Community”. Of course, I was very disappointed when Chevy Chase’s character in the show left, as he was honestly one of the best parts of the whole thing. Being upset about it, I decided to do some research. I get it now, because as funny as he is, this dude really is just the worst. He was pretty horrible to everybody he worked with on “Saturday Night Live”, and got worse after he left the show. He got fired from “Community” after going on a racist, slur-filled, rant against co-star Donald Glover (you don’t get to hate on Donald Glover), and then went on to hate on the show (you also don’t get to hate on “Community”). I take this as evidence that Chase was a man streets behind working on a show streets ahead.

7. The Nestle Company

The global food conglomerate Nestle is no stranger to controversy. It regularly faces issues regarding the safety of its many, many food products, mostly the ones sold in developing countries. They, for some reason, really hate recycling. They steal water from Native American communities, they engage in child and slave labor, they shut down any attempt at organization by their employees and attempts to define water as a need, rather than a right, for the sake of making their water theft debacles seem a little bit less illegal and horrifically inhumane. Despite all of this, dear God do I love Crunch Bars. Next time you go to the movies, get a popcorn bucket and sprinkle in those chocolate Crunch Bar bits they sell everywhere. It is absolutely incredible. Or don’t, depending on your indignation.They make Kit Kats, ice cream, coffee and even pet food. It is difficult to avoid them, and life becomes so much easier if you don’t think about their atrocities. Keep on crunching!

6. Dr. Phil

Sweet God in Heaven, I love Dr. Phil’s show. Just like everybody else in this world, nothing helps feed my ego more than seeing the depths of depravity that others succumb to while I trudge along in my own life. There is no better way to do this than watching Dr. Phil bash teenagers. Dr. Phil is not a licensed psychologist. His entire claim to fame is built on daytime TV exploitation of the mentally ill, with the full backing of the couch potatoes watching. So why do no other YouTube shorts capture my attention like his do? Is Dr. Phil a bad person for what he does, or am I the problem for watching it? Well, I can’t think of any time I’ve ever been the problem, so let’s go with it being Dr. Phil’s fault.

5. The American Founding Fathers

This one hurts, to be honest with you. The American Founding Fathers are a truly legendary group of men, who created my favorite country in the world (USA USA USA HOORAH). Despite their lifelong dedication to the fight against tyranny, the founding fathers were definitely not perfect. Unfortunately, in their eyes all men were in no way created equal. Specifically, anybody who wasn’t a white (even more specifically, West European and also not Irish) wealthy man, was not deserving of things such as voting or owning property. Several of them owned slaves and even those who didn’t refused to fight the institution, leading to the civil war decades later. Not cool, dudes! Worst of all, the creation of the USA, as cool as it is, directly led to the existence of the Philadelphia airport, one of the most abominable creations of man.

4. Noah Kahan

The first time I ever heard Noah Kahan was on a drive back from my friend’s house senior year of high school. I thought, “Oh, this is kind of mid.” Then, I was informed that this opinion was stupid and incorrect. With my newfound appreciation for Noah Kahan’s music, I listened to his entire discography in one sitting, while driving endlessly around the cul-de-sac which my home is a part of. There was laughter. There were tears. Most importantly, there was a dream. Maybe I could share this musical genius with others? And so, after months of work, I got in contact with his manager. I asked him to come for a Q&A, to teach me and others how it was that he made such incredible, such life changing music. He agreed. The day came, but he did not. I was humiliated. I was crushed. I had to gaslight the 170 people who came into thinking it was all part of a Slant prank. I was raised to forgive, but I am not so strong. I will never forget, never forgive. I will find Noah, someday. He will be at a record-breaking concert. The biggest of all time. And then I will drop a bucket of pig’s blood from a bucket set precariously above him. Really go all Carrie on his ass. “Stick Season” is a pretty good song, though!

3. Emperor Caligula 

With a reign of only four years, you may be surprised to learn that Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, also known as the Roman Emperor Caligula, managed to upset quite a few people. Actually, considering that he was assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard, maybe that fact isn’t surprising. His four years as the emperor may have been short, but they were not uneventful. He killed, exiled, or otherwise humiliated the very people who made him emperor. He may have slept with his sisters, had prostitutes in the palace, declared himself a living god, ran through the royal treasury and was eventually killed, much to the relief of Roman’s everywhere. This all sounds horrible, sure, but I can’t help but love the guy. This is a man who became emperor and made it his sole purpose to throw the sickest parties he could. He declared war on the god Neptune himself, attacking the oceans with his legions. He was so fed up with incompetence in the Senate that he threatened to make his horse a consul of Rome. That is awesome! And hey, if you still feel bad about loving the guy, you can just blame all of the bad stuff on the brain damage caused by his fever early on in his rulership! 

2. Ringo Starr

Ringo Star, a thirty-three-year-old man at the time, released a song titled “You’re Sixteen”. Besides not being a very good song, it also features the lyrics “You come on like a dream / Peaches and cream / Lips like strawberry wine / You’re sixteen / You’re beautiful / And you’re mine (mine, all mine).” I don’t care how good “It Don’t Come Easy” is, or if he was on the Beatles, that’s fucking weird.

Honorable Mentions
When consulting my friends, family, professors, psychiatric professionals, employers, employees, pets and that one guy who everyone has seen in their dreams but never in real life, about this article, one question kept coming up. They would ask about why I did not include Michael Jackson, Kanye West or John Lennon on this list. Frankly, those would have been cheap shots. Everyone knows they suck, everyone listens to their music anyways, life goes on. My goal here was to educate you, so that your future experiences with these artists would be accompanied by a certain sense of guilt. With that said, here is our final artist!

1. Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio

Caravaggio was a legendary artist whose style greatly influenced the Baroque cultural movement and whose every work has more merit than other artists’ entire portfolios. If you’ve ever taken an art history class (I got a 3 on that AP exam) then you have seen several of his works. “The Calling of Saint Matthew”, “Judith Beheading Holofernes”—I mean, it is really some good stuff. Unfortunately, Caravaggio really messed his whole career up when he killed a guy. Not only did he kill a guy, he apparently castrated that same guy before killing him just to be a dick. The fight was caused over a game of tennis (they had tennis back then?) which he was losing. Cool motive, still murder. Everywhere he went, Caravaggio got into fights and brawls and paintbrush measuring contests with anyone he met. Just as he was about to get a pardon, he died alone in a boat by unknown causes. Good riddance, asshole. Cool paintings, though!

The next time your favorite artist is found to be so evil it makes you wonder whether or not “humanity” is a concept actually applicable to all humans, just remember, you can appreciate someone’s art without appreciating the person!