MILF Hunting: Seven Ways to Justify Hooking up with Your Roommate’s Mom on Family Weekend
- You wore your “TO DO LIST: YOUR MOM” shirt to the tailgate and you’re not a quitter.
If they were a true friend they would understand that when you make a commitment, you stand by it. Yeah sure, the shirt started as a satiric play on the frat guys who wear it seriously even though they have most certainly never seen a breast in their life. But as with all good sardonic exposés, you must be willing to go all the way (ha).
- They’re the one that told you their parents were having trouble at home.
In my personal experience, when someone doesn’t want me to fool around with their mom they don’t tell me that their dad was found in the confessional of the Catholic church making out with that lady who holds the book open for the priest every weekend.
- If it’s boiled down, it’s kinda a compliment, like basically, you’re calling them hot.
You’re basically calling their mom a baddie, so therefore they’re like ~of~ a baddie? Wouldn’t Gregor Mendel say that your roommate is then, via Punnett square, a baddie? Idk it’s not like I’m saying go hook up or anything but also like have you considered the convenience of it all I mean you’re like right there and I am sure it could be cool to have hooked up with like generations no…?
- Dude! We’re on a floating speck of dust, in the end all be all does it really matter who allegedly finger-blasted whose mom?
Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. Learn from your past mistakes to get stronger. And by your past mistakes, I mean every and any encounter you have ever had with a male manipulator where he told you that it’s not really a big deal that he cheated on you with his ex-girlfriend because after all, none of us really matter, so why don’t you just give him a break already? If the male-manipulators have been getting away with this shit for centuries why can’t you?????
- I wholeheartedly am against objectifying women of all ages. This includes your roommate’s mother. Explain that you had a deep connection that went past the physical realm and that you connected on a plane you never knew possible. It felt like love at first sight quite honestly and you were swept off your feet. Her laugh, her hair, the way she smelled and smiled. Everything about her just made you get butterflies. This really is not a one-time thing, you think this could be forever.
She’s a MILF.
- Ok so it’s not like they cared enough to ask about it or anything but last week you were walking on campus and an old man was walking his dog on a walk and the dog just like came up to you—like the dog pulled his owner to you just so she could say hi—and it really just reminded you of your fourth-grade class’s pet crawfish and in fourth grade is when you got your first concussion. And that’s why you’re not playing D1 banjo right now. Otherwise, you totally would have committed to like Eastern Michigan by your sophomore year of high school and that bitch never could have broken your heart and you never would have needed comfort from your roommate’s mom.
Maybe if they asked about your day every once in a while they would know this.
- You do Tide Laundry Service and haven’t recovered from the embarrassment of having to lug your laundry to the neon orange truck and everyone on campus knowing you pay like $600 to have someone wash your underwear and really just needed a win.
Admitting you do Tide Laundry Service is an act of final defeat. A dog putting their tail in between their legs. If this does not work—submit a room change request.
