Just weeks after his victory, President-elect Trump has started to assemble the Cabinet that will advise him on policy for the next four years. Current prospective members include Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, and, most notably, your grandfather (the cranky one). Sources close to your grandfather report that this is a positive development for him, given that he’s been looking for … [Read more...] about Trump Taps Your “Old-Fashioned” Grandpa for Presidential Cabinet
senior citizens
Local Grandfather Respects Grandchildren’s Pronouns, Continues to Call Matt Matthew
GALESBURG, IL - Earl Martin, 81, father of 3, grandfather of 8, fully acknowledges, respects, and uses his grandchild Casey’s preferred pronouns (xe/xem/xyr) since xe came out as gender nonconforming late last year. “They say you can’t teach an old hound new tricks,” said Earl, “but I’m over 500 in dog years, and I can still figure out how to call people what they want to be … [Read more...] about Local Grandfather Respects Grandchildren’s Pronouns, Continues to Call Matt Matthew
Physicians Report Senioritis Still Plagues First-Year Students
When high-school seniors first began showing symptoms of extreme apathy last winter, it was explained away with a generic diagnosis of ‘Senioritis.’ Senioritis, a common seasonal condition, normally hits 17- to 18-year-old students with symptoms including a sudden inability to read clocks, a preference for clothing that resembles blankets, and selective hearing. In a clinical … [Read more...] about Physicians Report Senioritis Still Plagues First-Year Students
Hysteria Erupts at Leah Rose after Several “Student” Sightings
Nashville, TN - The community at Leah Rose Residence for Senior Citizens is up in arms after several of the residents have reported the presence of strange men dressed as college students luring them away from their apartments. The frenzy started last week when residents of the Leah Rose Senior Citizen Home filed complaints that strange young men were loitering near the … [Read more...] about Hysteria Erupts at Leah Rose after Several “Student” Sightings