West Orange Pavilion Mall Security Officer Paul Blart has been placed on paid suspension following his actions at the outlet’s Build-A-Bear Workshop. On Friday, September 30, 2022, Blart made his rounds near the Auntie Anne’s Pretzels for the fourth time when he noticed “suspicious characters” approaching the beloved stuffed animal retailer. As he slowly approached the … [Read more...] about Paul Blart Mall Cop on Paid Leave for Turning Off Body Cam at Build-A-Bear
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New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!
By Connor Pattinson It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s LGBTQI representation in American pop culture! The new Superman, Jon Kent, son of the OG Clark Kent and his baby momma Lois Lane, came out as bisexual. This new hunk has been announced to be starting a relationship with another male character. At long last, all the Batman//Superman fan fiction in the Slant’s … [Read more...] about New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!
Vanderbilt Announces Number 1 Rankings in Five Exciting New Categories
The recent release of the USNews university rankings might have some Vandy peeps upset over our dearth of #1 titles. However, let’s not forget all of the amazing things in which Vandy continually comes out on top! Lowest squirrel to sexual assault warning email ratio Vandy is quick to boast the 3:1 squirrel to student ratio, but we think it’s time we give this … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Announces Number 1 Rankings in Five Exciting New Categories
Brian Laundrie Defends Abusing, Slaying Fiancée: ‘Mercury was in retrograde’
By: Turd Ferguson VENICE, FLORIDA – On Tuesday, Sarasota County police picked up a cryptic, handwritten note near the entrance of the T. Mabry Carlton Jr. Memorial Reserve. The note was signed by Brian Laundrie – former fiancé and alleged killer of the slain Gabby Petito, an Instagram travel blogger. Petito was reported missing by her family on September 11th, ten days … [Read more...] about Brian Laundrie Defends Abusing, Slaying Fiancée: ‘Mercury was in retrograde’
REPORT: Roommate has a Play or Some Shit
NASHVILLE, TN: Reporting from the Commons, sources close to your roommate confirmed that he’s in a play or some shit this Friday night. “We’re not entirely sure what exactly is going on Friday night, but it seems like this guy’s been going to rehearsals or something for weeks now,” an unnamed source close to the theatre department or some dance group said. Reports … [Read more...] about REPORT: Roommate has a Play or Some Shit