By Kyle Kowalski The recent campus eviction has left many Vanderbilt students confused. However, the administration is now “asking” students to return to Vanderbilt, as the coronavirus is feeling rather lonely on campus. Its only friends remain at the Wesley apartments where it resides often. Mr. COVID-19 described his March visit as friendly and welcoming. “I’ve never … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt to Require Students to Return to Campus because Coronavirus Feels “Lonely”
News
OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity
By Kyle Kowalski The Vanderbilt Men’s Basketball season came to an unanticipated close last week after a sudden decision by the Office of Greek Life. In a confusing mix-up with Vanderbilt athletics, OGL decided to kick off the SEC because it “sounded like a fraternity we don’t want on campus," according to the benevolent ruler of Greek Life. “This has been a long … [Read more...] about OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity
Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative Announced as IFC’s Official Slogan
By Chris Loveland Greek life on Vanderbilt has recently seen a lot of upheaval. In the past few years, without fail, the coolest and most “do you know who my father is” fraternities have found themselves sent packing (only to then combine and become stronger than any mere mortal could have ever imagined—legend is that when a case of white claw enters their house it merely … [Read more...] about Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative Announced as IFC’s Official Slogan
Vanderbilt Study Suggests You’re, “Not Like Other Girls”
By Anonymous Recent research by faculty and graduate students from the Vanderbilt Anthropology department indicates that your incredible fashion, taste in music, and your authentic personality set you apart from all of those other girls. After sampling hundreds from the female population at Vanderbilt, the study, which aimed to expose your originality and uniqueness, … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Study Suggests You’re, “Not Like Other Girls”
Trump Administration Places Background Checks on Gum Purchases After 3 Choking Deaths Reported in the Last Twenty Years
By Zak Stengel The news comes after an unprecedented visit from Baron Trump to the White House to actually see his parents for the first time since Childish Gambino came out with his “This is America” music video. Insiders say that he claimed feeling “unsafe” in school due to tweens using and loading up on gum without any caution. One student apparently offered him a mint … [Read more...] about Trump Administration Places Background Checks on Gum Purchases After 3 Choking Deaths Reported in the Last Twenty Years