By Charles Kay and Taylor Matalon The foundation of Bernie’s platform is equitably redistributing our country’s immense wealth. Why? Because the top 1% have more money than the bottom 90% and the ten richest families hold 76% of our country’s wealth. Nothing funny here, just historically unprecedented levels of economic inequality and a man trying to resurrect the working … [Read more...] about This isn’t Satire, But Here Are Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote for Bernie
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The Color Blue (D – MS Paint) Announces Presidential Run
On Tuesday, January 22nd, the color blue (D – MS Paint) announced its candidacy in the 2020 presidential election, tweeting the slogan, “Blue is the New Black” followed by over 200 American flag emojis. The announcement touched the hearts of people who identify as blue all across the country and around the world. From the fat blueberry kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory … [Read more...] about The Color Blue (D – MS Paint) Announces Presidential Run
Man Trapped in Museum for 35 Days Due to Government Shutdown
Along with unpaid workers and pissed off civilians, the government shutdown brought closures to hundreds of America’s favorite pastimes: museums. One unfortunate museum-goer passed out in the Hall of North American Insects and awoke to find himself alone, only to be discovered 35 days later. Security guards entered the museum early Monday morning following the shutdown to … [Read more...] about Man Trapped in Museum for 35 Days Due to Government Shutdown
It’s Cuffing Season Boys, Let’s Fill These Prisons
Investigative reporters for The Slant have uncovered a memo from Chief of Police Steve Anderson, addressed to the entire Nashville Metro Police Department. It reads: Colleagues, My daughter recently informed me that we are in the midst of what the youth call “cuffing season.” In the spirit of the season, I’m issuing three guidelines to help make it the most productive … [Read more...] about It’s Cuffing Season Boys, Let’s Fill These Prisons
Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball
Big news for Vanderbilt Basketball as four star recruit Scottie Pippen Jr. announced his commitment to the Commodores. Scottie Pippen Jr. is a 6-foot-1 point guard from California and is best known for being the brother of Sophia Pippen, the Season 1 sensation from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars: Juniors. Sophia and her dancing partner, Jake Monreal (best known for his … [Read more...] about Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball