Kamala Harris She’s a woman, Jamaican, and Indian, ‘nuff said. If you read that as a good thing, congratulations, you’re woke, but also, Dems may need to reign in identity politics if we want to win elections. She’s a cop. But not a fun one, like Ice-T in SVU. She’s more like the judge who, off-screen, locks up the guy Ice-T caught earlier in the episode. Going off … [Read more...] about Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates
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This isn’t Satire, But Here Are Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote for Bernie
By Charles Kay and Taylor Matalon The foundation of Bernie’s platform is equitably redistributing our country’s immense wealth. Why? Because the top 1% have more money than the bottom 90% and the ten richest families hold 76% of our country’s wealth. Nothing funny here, just historically unprecedented levels of economic inequality and a man trying to resurrect the working … [Read more...] about This isn’t Satire, But Here Are Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote for Bernie
The Color Blue (D – MS Paint) Announces Presidential Run
On Tuesday, January 22nd, the color blue (D – MS Paint) announced its candidacy in the 2020 presidential election, tweeting the slogan, “Blue is the New Black” followed by over 200 American flag emojis. The announcement touched the hearts of people who identify as blue all across the country and around the world. From the fat blueberry kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory … [Read more...] about The Color Blue (D – MS Paint) Announces Presidential Run
Man Trapped in Museum for 35 Days Due to Government Shutdown
Along with unpaid workers and pissed off civilians, the government shutdown brought closures to hundreds of America’s favorite pastimes: museums. One unfortunate museum-goer passed out in the Hall of North American Insects and awoke to find himself alone, only to be discovered 35 days later. Security guards entered the museum early Monday morning following the shutdown to … [Read more...] about Man Trapped in Museum for 35 Days Due to Government Shutdown
It’s Cuffing Season Boys, Let’s Fill These Prisons
Investigative reporters for The Slant have uncovered a memo from Chief of Police Steve Anderson, addressed to the entire Nashville Metro Police Department. It reads: Colleagues, My daughter recently informed me that we are in the midst of what the youth call “cuffing season.” In the spirit of the season, I’m issuing three guidelines to help make it the most productive … [Read more...] about It’s Cuffing Season Boys, Let’s Fill These Prisons