By Anonymous Recent research by faculty and graduate students from the Vanderbilt Anthropology department indicates that your incredible fashion, taste in music, and your authentic personality set you apart from all of those other girls. After sampling hundreds from the female population at Vanderbilt, the study, which aimed to expose your originality and uniqueness, … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Study Suggests You’re, “Not Like Other Girls”
News
Trump Administration Places Background Checks on Gum Purchases After 3 Choking Deaths Reported in the Last Twenty Years
By Zak Stengel The news comes after an unprecedented visit from Baron Trump to the White House to actually see his parents for the first time since Childish Gambino came out with his “This is America” music video. Insiders say that he claimed feeling “unsafe” in school due to tweens using and loading up on gum without any caution. One student apparently offered him a mint … [Read more...] about Trump Administration Places Background Checks on Gum Purchases After 3 Choking Deaths Reported in the Last Twenty Years
Branscomb Resident Tests Positive for Bubonic Plague
By Mikayla Hernandez-Guevara An unnamed Lupton 3 resident has recently tested positive for the Black Plague, campus officials released in a shocking statement on Monday. The student in question is currently admitted in VUMC, undergoing rigorous bloodletting treatments and daily urine baths. No word has been released as to the effectiveness of the treatments, but anyone … [Read more...] about Branscomb Resident Tests Positive for Bubonic Plague
University Pleased To Report Sexual Assault Rates Not High Enough For Them To Have To Do Anything About It Yet
Findings from the Association of American Universities’ Student Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Misconduct were released last week. Vanderbilt University officials were pleased to announce that our rates of sexual violence were pretty much the same as everyone else’s, thank God. “We were really worried that our rates of sexual assault on campus were going to be … [Read more...] about University Pleased To Report Sexual Assault Rates Not High Enough For Them To Have To Do Anything About It Yet
Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates
Kamala Harris She’s a woman, Jamaican, and Indian, ‘nuff said. If you read that as a good thing, congratulations, you’re woke, but also, Dems may need to reign in identity politics if we want to win elections. She’s a cop. But not a fun one, like Ice-T in SVU. She’s more like the judge who, off-screen, locks up the guy Ice-T caught earlier in the episode. Going off … [Read more...] about Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates