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White House It seems Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III finally got the hint that he wasn’t wanted at the White House anymore. After months of Donald Trump dropping clues to get Sessions to pack up his clothes and get out, Trump finally had to confront him face to face. “I tried doing little things like mentioning that my parents were coming into town next month and needed … [Read more...] about Sessions Hides in Melania’s Closet to Escape Eviction Notice

Freshman Brian Anderson was going about his business this morning, November 6th, when he stumbled across your Instagram story, urging him to vote. “It really hit me”, Anderson commented to the Slant. “I wasn’t going to vote. I didn’t have time. But then I was on Instagram and saw that you posted on your story, so I opened it. I don’t know if it was the American flag gif, the … [Read more...] about Breaking: Friend who saw your Instagram story decides that they will, in fact, vote

Panoramic view of the White House in Washington, D.C.  In a long-anticipated gesture, comedians and satirists around the country are signing a letter addressed to President Donald Trump to express their undying gratitude for his contributions to the state of humor in the United States. A coalition of humorists will formally present the framed array of signatures to the White … [Read more...] about Comedians send thank-you letter to President Trump for saving satire

NASHVILLE, TN—In an unprecedented political move last evening, Joe Biden and Chancellor Nicholas Zeppos of Vanderbilt University announced that they had reached an agreement to allow Clarence Thomas to respond to Anita Hill’s address on Sunday. Though Biden and Vanderbilt originally planned to allow Hill to speak for a brief period of time, followed by intense questioning from … [Read more...] about Biden, Vanderbilt Cut Deal to have Clarence Thomas speak at Vanderbilt

For years the FDA has advised caution towards trick-or-treaters due to the possibility of razor blades hidden in unwrapped candy; however, this year they shockingly released the stipulation that one in every five pieces of halloween candy will indeed be a loaded gun. Upon releasing this announcement, parents across the nation were chilled to their milky bones over the … [Read more...] about Study Shows: 1 in Every 5 Pieces of Halloween Candy is a Loaded Gun