Vanderbilt University’s research labs have discovered a vaccine for the novel coronavirus strand, potentially signaling the end of the pandemic in America. News media began singing Vanderbilt’s praise and bipartisan support rose, with Mitch McConnell close to passing a “Let’s Not be so Awful Because of Vanderbilt” bill through Congress. Nationwide celebrations commenced and … [Read more...] about Breaking News: Vandy Discovers Vaccine, Won’t Release It Till Rest of SEC Says “Uncle”
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Fall 2020 Restrictions Vanderbilt Hasn’t Released Yet
By now, we’ve all heard that we’ll be returning to campus this fall, but with social distancing restrictions out the wazoo. Perhaps you lost your shit when you learned that you’ll have to schedule your meals a day in advance with only a 15-minute timeframe to pick up dinner, or maybe you contemplated transferring when you learned that we’ll be having classes on evenings AND … [Read more...] about Fall 2020 Restrictions Vanderbilt Hasn’t Released Yet
Vanderbilt to Require Students to Return to Campus because Coronavirus Feels “Lonely”
The recent campus eviction has left many Vanderbilt students confused. However, the administration is now “asking” students to return to Vanderbilt, as the coronavirus is feeling rather lonely on campus. Its only friends remain at the Wesley apartments where it resides often. Mr. COVID-19 described his March visit as friendly and welcoming. “I’ve never felt so included. A … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt to Require Students to Return to Campus because Coronavirus Feels “Lonely”
OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity
The Vanderbilt Men’s Basketball season came to an unanticipated close last week after a sudden decision by the Office of Greek Life. In a confusing mix-up with Vanderbilt athletics, OGL decided to kick off the SEC because it “sounded like a fraternity we don’t want on campus," according to the benevolent ruler of Greek Life. “This has been a long time coming,” says … [Read more...] about OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity
Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative Announced as IFC’s Official Slogan
Greek life on Vanderbilt has recently seen a lot of upheaval. In the past few years, without fail, the coolest and most “do you know who my father is” fraternities have found themselves sent packing (only to then combine and become stronger than any mere mortal could have ever imagined—legend is that when a case of white claw enters their house it merely evaporates into the … [Read more...] about Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative Announced as IFC’s Official Slogan