By: Julia Schmitt Your grandmother, my grandmother and America’s Matt Gaetz agree: you were a hot piece of ass in seventh grade! Thigh gap? Braless? Grossly asleep in a world waterboarded in serpentine patriarchal injustice? Bummer, seems like you really let yourself go by letting your body develop with age. Goofy fad diets — keto, intermittent fasting, the … [Read more...] about Tankini Time! Study Suggests Acting Like an Immature 13-Year-Old Will Give You That Sexy Preadolescent Body Again
By: Cameron Peloso I’ve never been the type of person who buys into fad diets. I mean, did I go pescatarian during that period of 2017-2018 where everyone was cutting meat out of their diet? Yes. But other than that, I practice what I recently learned on TikTok is called “intuitive eating". It’s easy, it’s customizable around the frankly horrific dining experience, and best … [Read more...] about My Family Went Keto, so I Switched My Depression Meds for Water
By: Keiji Chan Classes this semester got you down? Putting too much emphasis on the “play hard” portion of “work hard, play hard” school? Not putting enough emphasis on either and instead focusing your efforts towards hunting down and capturing that pesky, frugal scammer known as the tooth fairy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you received a … [Read more...] about 5 Creative Ways to Explain Your Midterm Deficiency to Your Parents
By: Connor Pattinson In a recent poll of students from the Lone Star State, most of them were failing at least one class. This is, of course, because they are incompetent buffoons. More importantly, however, they were blissfully unaware that they were failing after week six of classes. One Texas student said, “I only missed one grading period! I thought it was just gonna … [Read more...] about Most Texas Students Aren’t Aware They Are Failing Before Week Six: Not Allowed to Drop
NASHVILLE, TN – Just days after Panhellenic Preview Day dealt a massive blow to the feminist movement on Vanderbilt’s campus, a new hope emerged on the morning of November 17th, in an 11:10 a.m. MW upper level HOD class. Annie Albright, a senior from Dallas, was reported as taking what may be the largest stand for the feminist movement since 1920. According to key … [Read more...] about Win for Feminism: Girl in Your HOD Class Stopped Flirting with a Vandy Boy to Ask a Mildly Intelligent Question!