By: Danielle Bernstein Who isn’t completely overjoyed walking into Commons on a Thursday night? I know I am. The harsh fluorescent lighting, the overall dissatisfaction regarding the food… It's Disneyland on our little college campus. Last Thursday night, there was something extra special in the Commons air. As I waited in line for something that almost resembled beef, I … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Fails to Pay Their Dining Staff Sufficient Wages, But It’s Okay Because There’s a Giant Sriracha Bottle in Commons
By: Estelle Shaya Despite hounding half a dozen staff members to write a single article last semester, I have a confession to make: I have not published an article for The Slant since last spring. It’s not for lack of trying—I could point to my desktop folder filled with half-assed jokes about dating a BYX guy for an Immersion project or swearing to never drink again after … [Read more...] about I Have Nothing Left to Contribute to “The Slant”: Thank God I Have Tenure
By: Kyle Kowalski It’s you and the TV. No distractions, no obligations, no pressures from the outside world. Just pure sloth and reruns of Friends. But within seconds, you’re blasted with bright colors and a blaring soundtrack from the early 2010s. There are sports cars, models, slot machines spitting out money. What is this? It’s a toothpaste commercial. All these … [Read more...] about Nine Out of Ten Dentists Ignore the Dangers of Peer Pressure
1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. 3) Bumble. #2 is a prerequisite for this. I’m not saying it will go well—truth be told, it … [Read more...] about 10 Best Valentine’s Day Alternatives for the Lone Wolf
By: Julia Schmitt Taylor Swift released her long-awaited Red (Taylor’s Version) album two months ago, capitalizing on unresolved preadolescent trauma most listeners did not have in the first place. As gaggles of post quarantine and WAP twenty-somethings reconnect with the absolute worst versions of themselves, Vanderbilt senior Jeremy has landed in some hot water! A … [Read more...] about BREAKING: Kid Named Jeremy Appropriates Taylor Swift Song Intended to Eviscerate Asshats Like Him!