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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Life

I Tried Basil Aioli Once and Now I’m on the Climbing Team

March 23, 2022 by Kyle Kowalski: Content Editor

By: Kyle Kowalski It’s 12:00 PM on a Tuesday. I’m hungry, you’re hungry, why can’t I just reach my hands over the counter and snag a scoop of queso with my bare hands. The line has stretched all the way to Furman because Zackary can’t decide between sourdough and pretzel bread even though he has a gluten allergy. This Commodore Blend(ing my innards) isn’t exactly staving off … [Read more...] about I Tried Basil Aioli Once and Now I’m on the Climbing Team

How I Plan to Use My Wet Ass Pussy to Stop California’s Wildfires

March 18, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Slant Staff The California wildfires have been threatening our ecological safety since 1932.  These wildfires are just another demonstration that climate change has already become irreversible. Greedy lawmakers refuse to pass climate policy in order to benefit their own interests. I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that these fires should stop. … [Read more...] about How I Plan to Use My Wet Ass Pussy to Stop California’s Wildfires

The Slant’s Guide To Winning Over Your Roommate Who Overtly Hates You After First Semester

March 3, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Slant Staff For those of you who are yet to cop a followback from the one you cohabitate with, take notes.  Make them a cheeky salmon dish in the microwave As the old women in Pixar movies always say before they die and the plot actually begins, “don't forget to eat your supper!” (I’m paraphrasing but you're all familiar with the overall concept of that … [Read more...] about The Slant’s Guide To Winning Over Your Roommate Who Overtly Hates You After First Semester

Vanderbilt Fails to Pay Their Dining Staff Sufficient Wages, But It’s Okay Because There’s a Giant Sriracha Bottle in Commons

March 1, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Danielle Bernstein Who isn’t completely overjoyed walking into Commons on a Thursday night? I know I am. The harsh fluorescent lighting, the overall dissatisfaction regarding the food… It's Disneyland on our little college campus. Last Thursday night, there was something extra special in the Commons air. As I waited in line for something that almost resembled beef, I … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Fails to Pay Their Dining Staff Sufficient Wages, But It’s Okay Because There’s a Giant Sriracha Bottle in Commons

I Have Nothing Left to Contribute to “The Slant”: Thank God I Have Tenure

March 1, 2022 by Estelle Shaya: Managing Editor

By: Estelle Shaya Despite hounding half a dozen staff members to write a single article last semester, I have a confession to make: I have not published an article for The Slant since last spring. It’s not for lack of trying—I could point to my desktop folder filled with half-assed jokes about dating a BYX guy for an Immersion project or swearing to never drink again after … [Read more...] about I Have Nothing Left to Contribute to “The Slant”: Thank God I Have Tenure

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vanderbiltslant

A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

By Sam Sliman
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