A fraternity gathering God, I can’t wait to get into one of these frats so I can be myself again. This whole rush thing is so fucking superficial. I spend every rush event being fake nice to strangers and I can’t figure out if it’ll even be worth it. I just want to be an asshole again. Is that seriously too much to ask? Every time I go to Greek Row, it’s this whole … [Read more...] about “I can’t wait to get a bid so I can go back to being my regular shitty self”
Life
Ten “Fun Fact” Templates for Boring Fuckers Like You
Wow! Fun facts are so fun! Congrats, you joined some bullshit club to make yourself seem like a “well-rounded” Vanderbilt student! Now it is time to do some shitty ice-breaking exercise, but this can be challenging for a boring fucker such as yourself. So, here are ten fun fact templates to help mask the mundanity of your sad, shitty life. 1. Least favorite … [Read more...] about Ten “Fun Fact” Templates for Boring Fuckers Like You
Dead Loner Writes to Dr. Lovehub
Dr. Lovehub is the Slant's resident love expert, who corresponds with those seeking advice on their love life Dear Dr. Lovehub, I’ve had my fair share of hardship in dealing with women. Let me tell you, sitting on the highest court in the United States for 30 years is no easy task - it’s exhausting. You try taking away voting and reproductive rights while that bitch … [Read more...] about Dead Loner Writes to Dr. Lovehub
What Am I Supposed to Tell Alexa When I Want to Play Ni**as in Paris at my Pregame Without Sounding Racist?
From the desk of a culturally sensitive fraternity brother Amazon echo. Picture this: you’re hosting a fun little pregame with your brothers before a tailgate, fucking shit up, drinking a few cold ones, doing some light, tasteful coke in the bathroom. Someone says, “Hey man, why don’t we play some Kanye West up in here?” You’re like, “Yeah, man, totally, I love Kanye! … [Read more...] about What Am I Supposed to Tell Alexa When I Want to Play Ni**as in Paris at my Pregame Without Sounding Racist?
New Study Finds Everyone Else Had a Better Summer Than You
NASHVILLE, TN - With the start of a new school year comes the shocking revelation made in a recent study suggesting that everyone else had a better summer than you. The study, conducted by researchers in Vanderbilt’s Department of Psychology, has proved that your summer was statistically worse than those of your classmates. Though this has been theorized by fringe members … [Read more...] about New Study Finds Everyone Else Had a Better Summer Than You