Throughout our complicated, messy, but valid little lives, we have all had understandable reasons for seeking medical attention. For those of you who were totally popular in high school, it’s getting your stomachs pumped after a legendary night of drinking. For the remaining serfs, its something dumb like kidney stones or scabies. Yet, in the early hours of Saturday … [Read more...] about VUceptor Hospitalized Upon Being Reduced to a vuGuest
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Affluent, Suburban Couple Recommends That You Watch “Ted Lasso”
By Turd Ferguson NAPERVILLE, ILLINOIS - Local couple Josh and Alison Miller, both 31, have become quite the trendsetters among the West Naperville community. After stumbling upon Apple TV original series Ted Lasso, the Millers, who just a few years ago couldn’t get enough of Stranger Things, immediately became hooked on the show’s endearing premise and the antics of the … [Read more...] about Affluent, Suburban Couple Recommends That You Watch “Ted Lasso”
Report: Efforts at Vividly Imagining Cunt Punching Slow Walkers No Closer to Making Them Actually Speed Up
COMMONS BRIDGE -- Manifesting, a tried and tested science, once again has failed the speedier students of Vanderbilt University. Hot off the success of the Gillette students imagining better water pressure in their showers moments before disaster and getting more than they asked for, other Vandy students have come face to face with the failures that come from mentally targeting … [Read more...] about Report: Efforts at Vividly Imagining Cunt Punching Slow Walkers No Closer to Making Them Actually Speed Up
Fiscally Conservative, Socially… Vegetarian? Inside the Deep, Dark World of Frat Guys Who Like Grins
NASHVILLE, TN – A report released early Tuesday morning claimed that, like many Vanderbilt campus dining locations, Grins Vegetarian Café has been struggling to face the demands of operating at full capacity with limited staffing. Aside from the seismic impact felt by the absence of the aggressively happy, non-stop smile-bearing cashier (you know the one), Grins has been … [Read more...] about Fiscally Conservative, Socially… Vegetarian? Inside the Deep, Dark World of Frat Guys Who Like Grins
How to Sell your Multivitamins as Adderall
Admit it, you’re broke. Gambling on penny stocks to squeeze any dopamine from the dried-up sponge you call a brain has left you desperate for a quick buck. And sure, selling your Papa John’s gift cards for cash will save you temporarily, but loan sharks are not the biggest fans of cinnapie desserts. That 20% interest loan you got in Centennial Park to cover your Men’s Health … [Read more...] about How to Sell your Multivitamins as Adderall