The Swiss Army Knife. The iPhone. The foreskin. What do these things have in common? Well, certainly not mode of production (one is handcrafted, another Asian-sweatshop-crafted, and one in God’s image). They also differ in terms of smell, aesthetic quality, and prevalence in the Jewish community. I see you’re confused, so I’ll throw you a bone: they’re all useful tools … [Read more...] about Life Hacking Your Foreskin: 7 Hidden Features
Life
Nine Valentine’s Day Date Ideas
Use your Commodore Card to treat your significant other to any of the fine restaurants available to you via Taste of Nashville. Nama is expensive, don’t use REAL money!Picket outside of Zeppos’s office for fairer dining worker wages. Seize the heart of your sweetheart by seizing the means of production. Make some ASMR videos together. The best ASMRs depict fantasies that you … [Read more...] about Nine Valentine’s Day Date Ideas
New Study Finds Employees Tired of Wiping Their Asses with Sandpaper
Google has paved the way in employee perks, prioritizing fun work environments that help employees succeed, complete with free food, cooking classes, nap pods, and laundry service. Companies like Yahoo, Buzzfeed, and Deloitte have quickly followed suit, whether that means offering free coffee, paid maternity and paternity leave, or just spaces where employees can decompress … [Read more...] about New Study Finds Employees Tired of Wiping Their Asses with Sandpaper
Why Do White People Hate Gluten? And Black People?
First thing's first, what the hell is gluten? Right now the only knowledge I have is that gluten is basically the source of all evil -- it's "literally the worst" and "you could literally die from gluten" but I'm just literally confused on what gluten is. Kourtney Kardashian's diet, consisting of gluten-free pretzels and non-GMO milk, makes me want to shove my face in a … [Read more...] about Why Do White People Hate Gluten? And Black People?
Most of my articles are awful, thank God this isn’t one of them
I know exactly what you’re thinking: "What the fuck did I do to earn another fucking article from this human wooden dildo (the least practical of all dildos).” And I know that most of my articles are really, really bad, but you guys are in luck because this is not one of those articles. I mean sure this article isn’t great, but it's certainly tolerable. And I think it's … [Read more...] about Most of my articles are awful, thank God this isn’t one of them