By Rachel Haselkorn Thanksgiving season is a wonderful time of year. The weather is nice, everything is great and everyone is happy. And then, you hear it: “I still would like to see Barack Obama’s birth certificate.” Your neo-nazi grandpa, who just won’t seem to die, has returned to irritate everyone and be a public nuisance at yet another family … [Read more...] about Top 5 Ways to Infuriate Your Boomer Relatives at Thanksgiving Dinner
By Amy Rieth The low hum of a scooter engine gets louder and louder, a sound that almost outweighs the sound of your heart beating in your ears. A bead of sweat inches down your neck and your hands start to shake. You slowly turn your head, preparing yourself for a sight you’ve seen a thousand times. Mere inches from your face, you’re confronted with the lifeless, … [Read more...] about Which Makes You A Bigger Asshole: Screaming “On Your Left” While Scootering Past Someone, Or Saying Nothing At All?
By John Dough Junior whom I met at the tailgateI thought thy bore resemblance to an angelic being Standing benevolently in an ocean of inebriated socialites And sorority girls who claim they never had a “hoe phase” in high school Thine infinite, empyrean beautyDoth truly make me feel flustered, enamored, and completeBut it wasn’t until you cranked that soulja boy … [Read more...] about Junior Whom I Met at the Tailgate, Shall I Compare Thee to a Mid-Semester’s White Claw?
By Chris Loveland Another aimless day of classes has come to a merciful close. You pack your backpack, pop in your AirPods, turn on some of the angelic stylings of Vanderbilt’s own Ben Kessler, and begin the 10 minute trek back to your dorm. These small 10 minute walks are a welcome relief. For these 10 minutes, you don’t have to worry about your mountainous course load … [Read more...] about “Get in Me,” Moans Your Favorite Autumnal Sweater
The Swiss Army Knife. The iPhone. The foreskin. What do these things have in common? Well, certainly not mode of production (one is handcrafted, another Asian-sweatshop-crafted, and one in God’s image). They also differ in terms of smell, aesthetic quality, and prevalence in the Jewish community. I see you’re confused, so I’ll throw you a bone: they’re all useful tools … [Read more...] about Life Hacking Your Foreskin: 7 Hidden Features