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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Life

Five Tactics to Put Your Bastard House Cat in His Place

February 20, 2021 by Slant Staff

By Julia Schmitt As my honor code signature eerily lingers on campus—along with the Listerine cap freshman me shamelessly took shots from—I feel compelled to honesty. I want to fucking drop kick my cat. He shall remain nameless because I am an ~intentional woman who lights up every room I walk into~, but I’m pretty sure he invented ask.fm, the Electoral College and Derby … [Read more...] about Five Tactics to Put Your Bastard House Cat in His Place

Why I’m Getting Married at Dave & Buster’s

February 16, 2021 by Kyle Kowalski

$5 margaritas, Big Bass Pro lottery wheels and enough fiat money to make our American dollar feel obsolete. In essence, Dave & Buster’s is a late-stage capitalist’s paradise. Maybe my strange obsession with game plazas started with my continual exposure to Chuck E. Cheese and its trademark E. coli. The vicious battle between inhaling $20 subpar pizza and my lactose … [Read more...] about Why I’m Getting Married at Dave & Buster’s

Giving Back: Outdoor Voices Encourages a Generation of Upper Class Females to “Do Things”

January 30, 2021 by Slant Staff

By Julia Schmitt Whether you believe 2021 is the end of the world or not (though it would be the most precedented outcome of these unprecedented times), the recent winds of advocacy, self-reflection and social action have been objectively refreshing and hopeful. The question remains: how did we get here? What magnanimous driving force could have possibly ignited such a … [Read more...] about Giving Back: Outdoor Voices Encourages a Generation of Upper Class Females to “Do Things”

Nine Festive Fall Ways to Make Ben Shapiro’s Life In Nashville a Living Hell

November 18, 2020 by Taylor Lomax

You’re going about your day. You’re walking through campus, admiring the gorgeous fall leaves. Maybe you take a picture and upload it to your Instagram story. It’s fall y’all! And you’re happy. Until you remember that twerpy-man-child-with-the-doctor-wife Ben Shapiro announced he’s moving to Nashville and bringing his whole Daily Wire crew with him. He’s probably here by … [Read more...] about Nine Festive Fall Ways to Make Ben Shapiro’s Life In Nashville a Living Hell

Backup Halloween Costume Ideas for When Your Current Costume Idea is Racist

October 30, 2020 by Rachel Haselkorn

It’s a terrible feeling: you come up with the most fun, creative, silly and topical Halloween costume idea only to have some stupid liberal snowflake tell you that it’s racist. “It’s not okay to dress up as a cop right now,” they whine. “Take off that turban, you idiot. It’s fucked up to dress as Bin Laden,” they complain, but deep down you know that they’re just jealous of … [Read more...] about Backup Halloween Costume Ideas for When Your Current Costume Idea is Racist

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Recent Posts

  • Five Tactics to Put Your Bastard House Cat in His Place
  • Why I’m Getting Married at Dave & Buster’s
  • More Spit Needed to Power Dean Bandas’ Glorious Student Cloning Experiment
  • My Top Five Replacement Headliners for Lights on the Lawn
  • Camp Kesem Served with Cease and Desist for “Helping too Many Kids”

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Ancestry.com is about to have a field day. By Sam Ancestry.com is about to have a field day.

By Sam Sliman
Now THAT’s what we call a homecoming. By Kyle K Now THAT’s what we call a homecoming.

By Kyle Kowalski
See you in Utah! By Kyle Kowalski See you in Utah!

By Kyle Kowalski
We can’t argue with that logic. By James Blair We can’t argue with that logic. 

By James Blair
Lee Harvey Oswald is shaking. By Madison Hitchcoc Lee Harvey Oswald is shaking.

By Madison Hitchcock
Some call him the Punxsutawney Phil of the South. Some call him the Punxsutawney Phil of the South. 

By Shivani Sharma
You know we’re right By Justine Del Monte You know we’re right 

By Justine Del Monte
Handsome Ron really seems to know what he’s doin Handsome Ron really seems to know what he’s doing.
Still waiting to hear Biden’s plan for the Kappa Still waiting to hear Biden’s plan for the Kappa babies. 

By Ben Donohoe
Where does that saliva come from? Slant’s invest Where does that saliva come from? Slant’s investigative journalists are on the hunt to find out. Send tips to (844) 814-5935.

By Cameron Peloso
Damn, we really thought we’d be able to take a h Damn, we really thought we’d be able to take a hiatus. 

By Keiji Chan
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