It was a Friday night. My boyfriend and I had just finished a bottle of rosé and an especially stimulating episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and were feeling snacky (the perfect mixture of hungry and horny). So, naturally, he suggested that he eat me out. “One sec, I gotta pee first,” I said, as he began shimmying his way downstairs. “Ew, I don’t wanna get my … [Read more...] about My boyfriend didn’t know girls had urethras, so I peed on him during sex as a teaching moment
Life
Gobble, Gobble, Goebels: Thanksgiving with my Neo-Nazi Relatives
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you’re white and from the South like me, that means two things: sweet potatoes and skinheads. Mmhhmmm. Let’s get cookin!!! To be perfectly honest, I love the South: There’s nothing better than good ol’ Southern cooking. Biscuits, stuffing... with a spread this good, you can hardly notice the two eye-holes cut in your uncle’s … [Read more...] about Gobble, Gobble, Goebels: Thanksgiving with my Neo-Nazi Relatives
We’re Only Three Emotional Breakdowns Away from Thanksgiving
Friends, with Spooky Season coming to an end and No-Shave November starting off, I can already see the leaves falling, smell the turkey cooking and hear my grandfather screaming at my lesbian aunt about how her flannels are destroying America or whatever. That’s right—as I remind myself about five times a day, Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and that means I only have … [Read more...] about We’re Only Three Emotional Breakdowns Away from Thanksgiving
What to do when you accidentally make a wildly offensive comment in class
From the desk of a culturally sensitive fraternity brother Hey guys, it’s me again, a culturally sensitive fraternity brother just trying to do the Lord’s work out here. I choose to remain anonymous on my column because I’m doing this not to boost my reputation on campus, but to strive for a deeper sense of social justice in the world. And also, because if I do mistakenly … [Read more...] about What to do when you accidentally make a wildly offensive comment in class
Top 10 Spoooookiest Halloween Costumes
Pumpkin Well shove a pumpkin up my ass and call me spooky, it's October! Here are ten Slant-approved costumes to try out this year for the greatest holiday on earth: Halloween! A Sexy Commodore Photo by Claire Barnett Show your Vandy pride by going as our very own mascot, Mr. Commodore. While his muscular thighs and perfect quiff are no doubt beautiful, we recommend … [Read more...] about Top 10 Spoooookiest Halloween Costumes