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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Features

If You Order Another Caprese, I Swear I’m Going to Lose My Shit

March 9, 2020 by Slant Staff

By Anonymous Dear valued Greens* customer, Having noted your regular presence at our cafe, we write to you to address some behaviors we find concerning.  On Monday, January 22nd, you entered our establishment at 8:56 pm. Although both our front and kitchen staff were clearly in the process of trying to leave so they could enjoy the rest of their nights, you took … [Read more...] about If You Order Another Caprese, I Swear I’m Going to Lose My Shit

OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity

February 25, 2020 by Kyle Kowalski

The Vanderbilt Men’s Basketball season came to an unanticipated close last week after a sudden decision by the Office of Greek Life. In a confusing mix-up with Vanderbilt athletics, OGL decided to kick off the SEC because it “sounded like a fraternity we don’t want on campus," according to the benevolent ruler of Greek Life.  “This has been a long time coming,” says … [Read more...] about OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity

LEAKED: 10 Commons Ball Themes That Didn’t Make the Cut

February 7, 2020 by Taylor Lomax

Every year, the Commons House Presidents hold a secretive gathering where they deliberate on themes for the yearly Commons Ball. (This year, the theme is First Contact because why not aliens.) As the most anticipated event of the year, Commons Ball preparation meetings tend to be top-secret. But this year, one of our sources gave us some inside info on some themes that didn’t … [Read more...] about LEAKED: 10 Commons Ball Themes That Didn’t Make the Cut

Throwback to the Time Mr. C Punched a Kid in the Face

May 2, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

It was 2011; a simpler time in society. Back then, we didn’t know that punching students in the face was wrong. We just did it and didn’t think twice. Well, that all changed on the night of February 24th, when Mr. Commodore whacked this kid right in the fucking nose. Take a look. So a couple of things I noticed: 1 - What is up with the sound? It's like the generic … [Read more...] about Throwback to the Time Mr. C Punched a Kid in the Face

9 Things We Found in the Stevenson Steam Tunnels

April 8, 2019 by Slant Staff

In 2005, Vanderbilt Magazine published an article detailing the steam tunnels that run throughout campus, especially underneath Stevenson. While their article was informative, it was also boring as hell. So, we here at The Slant decided to reinvestigate, roughly 15 years later, to see what we would find. Did we break some rules? Yes. Did we get caught? No. Did we wish we had … [Read more...] about 9 Things We Found in the Stevenson Steam Tunnels

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