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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Campus

Diermeier Dormitories to Replace Branscomb Quad in Fall 2022

May 26, 2022 by Sophie Stachurski

Vanderbilt Chancellor Daniel Diermeier recently announced his plans to tear down Branscomb Quadrangle, an upper-level residence hall that notably houses Ethan Wacker, pledges who failed to get a bid freshman year and transfer students who simply don’t know any better. The Diermeier Dormitories will be built in its place. When I spoke to Diermeier about this decision, he … [Read more...] about Diermeier Dormitories to Replace Branscomb Quad in Fall 2022

Why You Didn’t Need a Res College Single Anyway

April 13, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Slant Staff So, just like me, you applied to the singles housing process. If you were part of the sliver of lucky bastards who got a res college single, don’t let it get to your head. Diermeier still isn’t going to invite you to his circle jerks, champ. If you didn’t get a res college single, my sincerest apologies. I can only imagine the hell you will face in the fiery … [Read more...] about Why You Didn’t Need a Res College Single Anyway

Hooking Up For Housing: Why I Won’t Be Sleeping With Anyone Who Doesn’t Live In A Res College

April 12, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Slant Staff Vanderbilt has no housing. Rather than solving the problem in a rational matter, like say allowing us to live off-campus, OHARE has asked students to beg for housing (or simply bribe their way into a six-person suite). I, however, am a woman of principle. I refuse to get on my knees for The Man. My solution? To get on my knees for just some man.  In … [Read more...] about Hooking Up For Housing: Why I Won’t Be Sleeping With Anyone Who Doesn’t Live In A Res College

Mold This, Mold That. When Are We Going to Talk about the Poop-Stained Panties I Found in the Lupton 4 Bathroom?

April 5, 2022 by Slant Staff

By: Slant Staff Listen, I understand that the mold found in Morgan (and now Lewis) is a big deal. I get it, you get it. Even the Hustler gets it, or at least I thought they did? I could’ve sworn I saw an article about it but it’s not there anymore. I can’t say I’m surprised though, considering the fact that they can’t even be bothered to talk about one of the REAL issues … [Read more...] about Mold This, Mold That. When Are We Going to Talk about the Poop-Stained Panties I Found in the Lupton 4 Bathroom?

Increase in Popularity of Date Parties Wreaks Havoc on Vanderbilt’s Most Prejudiced Group: Incels

April 2, 2022 by Danielle Bernstein: Content Editor

By: Danielle Bernstein It’s that time of year again. With all the new pledges eagerly excited to swallow live goldfish and sacrifice their first-born son to their new brothers, date parties are back and better than ever, baby.  And with all the hullabaloo of who’s bringing who and who’s wearing what, an often ignored subgroup is going through the worst of it. No one … [Read more...] about Increase in Popularity of Date Parties Wreaks Havoc on Vanderbilt’s Most Prejudiced Group: Incels

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Recent Posts

  • I Thought Only My Cat Would Forget About Me While I Was Away at College, but It Turns Out My Parents Did Too
  • Sad but Hot is the New Hot: How to Look Perfectly Beautiful While Deteriorating Emotionally
  • The Anti-Social Socialite’s Guide to Forming Friendships with Coworkers
  • Diermeier Dormitories to Replace Branscomb Quad in Fall 2022
  • Separating the Art from the Artist: Why It’s Ok to Keep Hooking Up with That Guy Who Is an Asshole to You

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

By Sam Sliman
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