In a measure widely decried by Commons first-years as “not the move,” the Vanderbilt administration shifted to twice-weekly testing for the spring semester. This change in policy comes as Covid-19 ravages the country and, more importantly, Los Angeles, where half of Vanderbilt students are actually from. As always, Slant news is on the case while Hustler news picks its nose … [Read more...] about More Spit Needed to Power Dean Bandas’ Glorious Student Cloning Experiment
Campus
My Top Five Replacement Headliners for Lights on the Lawn
So, recently, if you accepted another desperate request from the @lotlvanderbilt Instagram account, you noticed that Loud Luxury will be making a virtual performance for Lights on the Lawn. For my fellow upperclassmen and 5th years, you might remember last year’s performer: Quinn XCII, the human embodiment of a Kia Soul. But with no 2020 Rites of Spring and Bobby Shmurda’s … [Read more...] about My Top Five Replacement Headliners for Lights on the Lawn
Camp Kesem Served with Cease and Desist for “Helping too Many Kids”
In the past few months, student organizations such as Swipes for a Cause and Dores Divest have been chastised by Vanderbilt for the over-improvement of both campus and greater Nashville communities. On the heels of this crucial work, the Vanderbilt administration has brought down its iron fist on yet another student organization, serving Camp Kesem with a cease and desist … [Read more...] about Camp Kesem Served with Cease and Desist for “Helping too Many Kids”
A Confession to the Melodores
Everyone has their weird shit that they like. Unfortunately for me, a big part of my sexual awakening came from thinking that Jesse from Pitch Perfect was the hottest man on this planet, meaning that my weird kink is a cappella. Could it have just been something kind of normal? Or some relatively vanilla Fifty Shades shit like every other white woman in America? No. Of course … [Read more...] about A Confession to the Melodores
Vanderbilt University Medical Center Performs World’s First Really, Really Fat Ass Transplant
By Turd Ferguson Just weeks after performing the world’s first dual heart-lung transplant on a patient with COVID-19, the Vanderbilt University Medical Center continues to break new ground in the surgical field. In a press conference, VUMC announced that it had successfully performed the world’s first really, really fat ass transplant. Although fat ass transplants have been … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt University Medical Center Performs World’s First Really, Really Fat Ass Transplant