10. Tiny advent calendars9. Dreidels8. Coal cuz u bad7. Chocolates except one is poisoned so it’s just a surprise countdown to death6. Festivus pole5. Elf droppings4. Small figurines of jesus being crucified to keep you humble3. Trimmings from santa’s beard2. Yellow snow1.Wine bottles (I didn’t make this one up, this Top 10 is really just product placement. Visit … [Read more...] about Top 10 Things to put in an Advent Calendar
1. The Pimped Out Bedazzled Tom Brady Do you ever just throw on all your bling to go out for a casual dinner? Are diamonds the key to your heart? Do you ever wake up and think, “Wow I’m rich and hot and good at football. Today is going to be awesome.” A Pimped Out Bedazzled Tom Brady is someone who appreciates the finer things in life, and isn’t afraid to show the … [Read more...] about Which Tom Brady Power Pose Are You?
Over one million elves have gathered in front of the Claus Palace in central North Pole to protest Santa’s platform for 2017’s Christmas policies. Mr. Claus believes that Christmas has become too much about family spirit and goodwill rather than the presents. Therefore, he hopes to “make Christmas great again” by embodying the spirit of capitalism that Christmas is truly about. … [Read more...] about Elves on Strike: Christmas 2017 May Be Canceled
Download a high profile dating app for Secret Service agentsFind a Secret Service agent on said appSeduce said Secret Service agentWoo him by buying him treatsLearn the ins and outs of White House securityOrder tiny hands on AmazonInfiltrate White HouseHypnotize PresidentConvince Trump to dance with tiny hands Threaten to post video of him dancing unless he gives you ownership … [Read more...] about Top 10 Things to Do if Trump is Elected
After the third presidential debate between Clinton and Trump, during which Clinton accused Trump of being Putin’s “puppet,” Trump defensively shouted “No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet. No you’re the puppet.” While Trump’s comments appeared commonplace in the midst of his random shouting throughout the debate, the defensiveness of these comments in particular was not … [Read more...] about Trump Crusades for Puppet Rights as Nation’s First Puppet Presidential Candidate