By Connor Pattinson It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s LGBTQI representation in American pop culture! The new Superman, Jon Kent, son of the OG Clark Kent and his baby momma Lois Lane, came out as bisexual. This new hunk has been announced to be starting a relationship with another male character. At long last, all the Batman//Superman fan fiction in the Slant’s … [Read more...] about New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!
The recent release of the USNews university rankings might have some Vandy peeps upset over our dearth of #1 titles. However, let’s not forget all of the amazing things in which Vandy continually comes out on top! Lowest squirrel to sexual assault warning email ratio Vandy is quick to boast the 3:1 squirrel to student ratio, but we think it’s time we give this … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Announces Number 1 Rankings in Five Exciting New Categories
By: Turd Ferguson VENICE, FLORIDA – On Tuesday, Sarasota County police picked up a cryptic, handwritten note near the entrance of the T. Mabry Carlton Jr. Memorial Reserve. The note was signed by Brian Laundrie – former fiancé and alleged killer of the slain Gabby Petito, an Instagram travel blogger. Petito was reported missing by her family on September 11th, ten days … [Read more...] about Brian Laundrie Defends Abusing, Slaying Fiancée: ‘Mercury was in retrograde’
Feeling an ever pervading sense of soul-crushing ennui? Afraid? Like a ship with no rudder? Imposter syndrome like a panicked freshman girl pretending to like bud light at the first tailgate she goes to? Well, do I have news for you. If complete dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, and defecation don’t work for you, put your hands up and catch this vibe: capture your … [Read more...] about Tee Hee Ha Ha Hee Hoo I’m a Silly Little Elf That Craves the Endless Expanse of the Primordial Void
By Turd Ferguson Local couple Josh and Alison, both 31, have become quite the trendsetters among their West Naperville community. After stumbling upon Apple TV original series Ted Lasso, Josh and Alison, who just a few years ago couldn’t get enough of Stranger Things, immediately became hooked on the show’s endearing premise and the antics of the titular American football … [Read more...] about Affluent, Suburban Couple Recommends That You Watch “Ted Lasso”