By Miles Borowsky By now, we’ve all heard that we’ll be returning to campus this fall, but with social distancing restrictions out the wazoo. Perhaps you lost your shit when you learned that you’ll have to schedule your meals a day in advance with only a 15-minute timeframe to pick up dinner, or maybe you contemplated transferring when you learned that we’ll be having … [Read more...] about Fall 2020 Restrictions Vanderbilt Hasn’t Released Yet
By Kyle Kowalski The recent release of Vanderbilt’s student refunds left many students confused as to how Vanderbilt calculated the payment. With the majority of students no longer on campus, questions remain as to where the administration’s surplus funds went. A recent Hustler “article” highlighted the discrepancy between the refunds Vanderbilt offered and the “pro … [Read more...] about Where did our housing refunds go?
By Miles Borowsky First of all, I need to apologize. Neither of us thought we’d be in this position—but alas, here we are. Here I sit, at home in my queen-size bed with freshly cleaned sheets (thanks mom. God knows the last time I washed my sheets at school), while you’re about to face quite possibly the most excruciating, arduous, repulsive task you’ve ever been confronted … [Read more...] about A Letter to the UPS Employee Packing Up My Dorm
By Kyle Kowalski The recent campus eviction has left many Vanderbilt students confused. However, the administration is now “asking” students to return to Vanderbilt, as the coronavirus is feeling rather lonely on campus. Its only friends remain at the Wesley apartments where it resides often. Mr. COVID-19 described his March visit as friendly and welcoming. “I’ve never … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt to Require Students to Return to Campus because Coronavirus Feels “Lonely”
By Chris Loveland Ever since I was little I’ve cared about two things. The first: my loving parents. The second: that rat-fuck who goes by the name Chuck E. Cheese. I remember the moment my life changed forever. I was seven, it was my birthday, and I was spending it at Charles’ humble abode. Everything was going swimmingly—I was rolling through games and I had even … [Read more...] about A Selection of Hate Mail I’ve Written to that Rat-Fuck Charles Entertainment Cheese