Sure, I’ve survived the Commons cold. My body has even braved the drippy, hot, Rand tenders that run through your intestines like a bat out of hell. Yet all throughout Nashville, what poses the greatest threat to my health are these cursed thrift stores. Every weekend, I think that the past is the past and my thrifting experience will be better. One day I’ll find a pair of size … [Read more...] about I Went Thrift Shopping but All I Got Was Scabies
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m in Memphis donating blood plasma. Or maybe it’s because you saw me literally steal candy from a baby so I could pawn it at the local Cash 4 Gold. Either way, I’ve hit rock bottom on both a financial and ontological level. And it’s all courtesy to that conniving fuck named Campus Dining. I was in the Rand line. I live off-campus, so I … [Read more...] about Campus Dining Literally Ruined My Life
Admit it, you’re broke. Gambling on penny stocks to squeeze any dopamine from the dried-up sponge you call a brain has left you desperate for a quick buck. And sure, selling your Papa John’s gift cards for cash will save you temporarily, but loan sharks are not the biggest fans of cinnapie desserts. That 20% interest loan you got in Centennial Park to cover your Men’s Health … [Read more...] about How to Sell your Multivitamins as Adderall
To say I’m confused would be an understatement. It was a simple Sunday morning. We went to Waffle House (an odd choice for her), enjoyed a nice cup of tea and attended morning mass. I should have noticed something was off. Instead of accepting wine from the chalice, Meemaw pulled out a wine bag and ripped it while the priest slapped it and yelled “Emergency!” To make things … [Read more...] about Help! My Grandma Said She Was Leaving to Go Buy Biscotti, but Now She’s in Panama City Beach?
Former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his retirement from the billion-dollar tech company. To the dismay of many Robinhood users, Amazon’s stock did not fluctuate by more than five percent, causing many call options to expire and leaving traders with an empty 401K. Bezos’ retirement comes as a shock to many. With a successful year of stomping out that local elderly … [Read more...] about Jeff Bezos to Step Down in Order to Pursue New Role as Boiled Egg