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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Keeley Parker

Report: Efforts at Vividly Imagining Cunt Punching Slow Walkers No Closer to Making Them Actually Speed Up

October 6, 2021 by Keeley Parker

COMMONS BRIDGE -- Manifesting, a tried and tested science, once again has failed the speedier students of Vanderbilt University. Hot off the success of the Gillette students imagining better water pressure in their showers moments before disaster and getting more than they asked for, other Vandy students have come face to face with the failures that come from mentally targeting … [Read more...] about Report: Efforts at Vividly Imagining Cunt Punching Slow Walkers No Closer to Making Them Actually Speed Up

The Slant’s Summer 2021 Celebrity Predictions

April 28, 2021 by Keeley Parker

As the school year draws to a close, many of you will be too consumed with your "summer internships" to keep up with our excellent reporting. That’s no big deal—here are a few of our (highly accurate) predictions about what’s going to happen this summer in the world of celebrity gossip. AkPsi Alum goes down for insider trading  The sky is blue, isn’t it? I feel like … [Read more...] about The Slant’s Summer 2021 Celebrity Predictions

Commentary: Where is this White Van Taking Me?

January 14, 2020 by Keeley Parker

It’s really in moments like this that I remember how lucky I am to be a woman. Being a woman can be quite frightening at times, but I often think that opinions like that really just attack men. You agree, right? I find that the wonders of womanhood grant me quite a few opportunities that poor, oppressed men just don’t get. For instance, just this evening, I was invited to go … [Read more...] about Commentary: Where is this White Van Taking Me?

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

By Sam Sliman
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