So imagine this: you’re a silly young Slant writer with tastes more expensive than a college student’s budget allows for and you’re watching iCarly on a borrowed Netflix account (remember, you are poor) with a belly full of $14.20 worth of poke when you realize you’ve got an article due in 64 minutes. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Hey! Those Slant writers’ brains are as juicy and … [Read more...] about I Spent $134.40 at Bowl Based Restaurants This Semester. Here Are My Recommendations.
Let's not dance around the subject. As a reader of The Slant, you probably spent Valentine’s Day swiping through Tinder with one hand and getting busy with the other. Don’t worry! You’re not alone! Well. You technically are. But there are definitely other Vanderbilt students who also spent all of high school insisting that a 4.0 was just as fulfilling as the intimate touch of a … [Read more...] about You Were Ugly Before, Now Science Says Your Personality Sucks Too!
Welcome back Commies! Are you enjoying the smell of sweat in the air? Did you begrudgingly answer some titanic of an icebreaker? If you’re a freshman, have you lost your virginity to a Republican khaki-wearing short king you just met in the communal kitchen but think you’re in love with? Your answers should all be yes because it’s back-to-school season y'all! As I’m sure … [Read more...] about Fall Break is Cancelled! Not Because of Covid, But Because Vanderbilt Hates You!
For the record, I love the environment. In fact, I love the environment so much that I can’t stop dreaming about making sweet, sweet love to Mother Nature and creating a monsoon in her leafy lady bits. Until then, I’m just jizzing on Alumni Lawn, hoping she gets the message. However, what I don’t love is being dehydrated as fuck. I know Cornelius Vanderbilt bends over … [Read more...] about If God Didn’t Want Me To Use Plastic, Then Why Did He Invent It?
When Christopher Columbus came to America, he brought over atrocities such as tomatoes, smallpox, and women who would eventually demand gender equality. Since then, the feminist movement has seen women every decade or so demanding absurdities like suffrage or the ability to control her own body. In fact, to this day, society still faces the same nagging women … [Read more...] about All I’m Saying Is If There Were No Women, There Would Be No Gender Inequality