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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Jacob Feldstein

Throwback to the Time Mr. C Punched a Kid in the Face

May 2, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

It was 2011; a simpler time in society. Back then, we didn’t know that punching students in the face was wrong. We just did it and didn’t think twice. Well, that all changed on the night of February 24th, when Mr. Commodore whacked this kid right in the fucking nose. Take a look. So a couple of things I noticed: 1 - What is up with the sound? It's like the generic … [Read more...] about Throwback to the Time Mr. C Punched a Kid in the Face

#Tank4Zion

February 13, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

What was supposed to be an exciting and successful year has become one of the ugliest displays of basketball in Vanderbilt history. 11 straight losses, 0-10 in conference play, just 9 wins on the season, one 5 star recruit lost to injury, a different underperforming 5 star recruit, and a partridge in a pear tree. It feels like rock bottom, but I’m here to tell you that there’s … [Read more...] about #Tank4Zion

Petition to get Chancellor Zeppos Verified on Twitter

February 4, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

Hey @jack. When you’re done microdosing ecstasy at your weird Silicon Valley sex parties, we’re gonna need you here. Our chancellor and known cheap sunglasses wearer Nick Zeppos is currently unverified on Twitter and that is not OK. Zeppos is a fucking influencer. You ever hear of the Zeppos Lifestyle? It’s where you get paid $3 million a year to write a weekly newsletter. And … [Read more...] about Petition to get Chancellor Zeppos Verified on Twitter

Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball

January 15, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

Big news for Vanderbilt Basketball as four star recruit Scottie Pippen Jr. announced his commitment to the Commodores. Scottie Pippen Jr. is a 6-foot-1 point guard from California and is best known for being the brother of Sophia Pippen, the Season 1 sensation from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars: Juniors. Sophia and her dancing partner, Jake Monreal (best known for his … [Read more...] about Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball

Someone in the Rand Dining Staff Wants Me Dead

November 11, 2018 by Jacob Feldstein

WARNING: This article contains graphic content some audiences may find disturbing. Reader discretion is advised. I always knew my time would come to kick the bucket, but I always imagined it being on a comfortable hospital bed surrounded by my wife and kids. I certainly never thought it would happen during my sophomore year in the dining hall. Earlier this week, I was … [Read more...] about Someone in the Rand Dining Staff Wants Me Dead

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

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