1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. 3) Bumble. #2 is a prerequisite for this. I’m not saying it will go well—truth be told, it … [Read more...] about 10 Best Valentine’s Day Alternatives for the Lone Wolf
I Reached Out to Vanderbilt Administration for a Statement about Mold and All I Got Was A Big “Fuck You”
By: Connor Pattinson I am a resident of one of the grossest cesspools of bile, filth and degeneracy any of us have ever experienced. No, I don’t mean Nashville, but I do mean Vanderbilt housing (that isn’t Zeppos or Kissam). I am one of the several hundred poor, unfortunate sons of bitches stuck in Morgan Hall on Vanderbilt’s Highland Quad, or as we have taken to calling it, … [Read more...] about I Reached Out to Vanderbilt Administration for a Statement about Mold and All I Got Was A Big “Fuck You”
Most Texas Students Aren’t Aware They Are Failing Before Week Six: Not Allowed to Drop
By: Connor Pattinson In a recent poll of students from the Lone Star State, most of them were failing at least one class. This is, of course, because they are incompetent buffoons. More importantly, however, they were blissfully unaware that they were failing after week six of classes. One Texas student said, “I only missed one grading period! I thought it was just gonna … [Read more...] about Most Texas Students Aren’t Aware They Are Failing Before Week Six: Not Allowed to Drop