Every year, the career fair comes around, and every year, a sizable portion of students wear goddamn suits—suits!—making the rest of look bad just for wearing normal clothes: Cookie Monster snapbacks, Reagan-Bush ‘84 t-shirts, wheatgrass Birkenstocks, what have you. Nobody’s gonna say it? Really? Fine, I will: it won’t make a difference whether or not you’re in a suit while … [Read more...] about If No One Wears a Suit to the Career Fair, It Won’t Matter. Also, If We All Jump Off of Kirkland at the Same Time, None of Us Will Die.
The Swiss Army Knife. The iPhone. The foreskin. What do these things have in common? Well, certainly not mode of production (one is handcrafted, another Asian-sweatshop-crafted, and one in God’s image). They also differ in terms of smell, aesthetic quality, and prevalence in the Jewish community. I see you’re confused, so I’ll throw you a bone: they’re all useful tools … [Read more...] about Life Hacking Your Foreskin: 7 Hidden Features
Kamala Harris She’s a woman, Jamaican, and Indian, ‘nuff said. If you read that as a good thing, congratulations, you’re woke, but also, Dems may need to reign in identity politics if we want to win elections. She’s a cop. But not a fun one, like Ice-T in SVU. She’s more like the judge who, off-screen, locks up the guy Ice-T caught earlier in the episode. Going off … [Read more...] about Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates
By Charles Kay and Taylor Matalon The foundation of Bernie’s platform is equitably redistributing our country’s immense wealth. Why? Because the top 1% have more money than the bottom 90% and the ten richest families hold 76% of our country’s wealth. Nothing funny here, just historically unprecedented levels of economic inequality and a man trying to resurrect the working … [Read more...] about This isn’t Satire, But Here Are Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote for Bernie
Roger E. Lee here. I’ll be blunt (that’s right, no trigger warning): there is no platform for campus conservatives to voice our values. I'm starting this column to make a change and voice the oft-ignored moral views of the conservative party. Memorial Hall, formerly Confederate Memorial Hall. I think there is an important lesson to learn from Cookie-Gate: with enough … [Read more...] about OPINION: Rand Cookies are Back, but What About Confederate Memorial Hall?