NASHVILLE, TN: Reporting from the Commons, sources close to your roommate confirmed that he’s in a play or some shit this Friday night. “We’re not entirely sure what exactly is going on Friday night, but it seems like this guy’s been going to rehearsals or something for weeks now,” an unnamed source close to the theatre department or some dance group said. Reports … [Read more...] about REPORT: Roommate has a Play or Some Shit
The Hustler Wins “Blind Eye” Award for Completely Ignoring Doe v. Vanderbilt
The Tennessee Associated Press has awarded The Hustler its highest honor—the Blind Eye Award, granted to the newspaper that most embodies the spirit of ignoring hard news and championing infotainment. The Hustler’s dedication to not reporting on Doe v. Vanderbilt, a lawsuit over Vanderbilt failing to honor its contractual obligations with students by not offering refunds for … [Read more...] about The Hustler Wins “Blind Eye” Award for Completely Ignoring Doe v. Vanderbilt
Report: Woman to Clean Up After Man’s Mess
NASHVILLE, TN: Sources close to the Vanderbilt University administration confirmed today that a woman would indeed be asked to clean up a man’s mess. “Given our concerns with how things were running, we thought it best to have a woman fulfill the traditional role of straightening out the clutter left behind by a man,” said a spokesman. “We anticipate that the woman will do her … [Read more...] about Report: Woman to Clean Up After Man’s Mess
Let’s Face it, Blakemore Residents Shouldn’t Get to Vote
Folks, it’s time someone around here just said what’s on all of our minds. With our futures in the hands of the Vanderbilt Student Government electorate in the coming days, I write to you urgently in a time of life-and-death. I don’t care if you’re Reaching Higher with Nico and Taylor, Let’s Going with Frances and Veer or Making Vanderbilt A Clothing-Optional Campus with … [Read more...] about Let’s Face it, Blakemore Residents Shouldn’t Get to Vote
We’re Only Three Emotional Breakdowns Away from Thanksgiving
Friends, with Spooky Season coming to an end and No-Shave November starting off, I can already see the leaves falling, smell the turkey cooking and hear my grandfather screaming at my lesbian aunt about how her flannels are destroying America or whatever. That’s right—as I remind myself about five times a day, Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and that means I only have … [Read more...] about We’re Only Three Emotional Breakdowns Away from Thanksgiving