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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for November 2021

Win for Feminism: Girl in Your HOD Class Stopped Flirting with a Vandy Boy to Ask a Mildly Intelligent Question!

November 29, 2021 by Slant Staff

NASHVILLE, TN – Just days after Panhellenic Preview Day dealt a massive blow to the feminist movement on Vanderbilt’s campus, a new hope emerged on the morning of November 17th, in an 11:10 a.m. MW upper level HOD class.  Annie Albright, a senior from Dallas, was reported as taking what may be the largest stand for the feminist movement since 1920. According to key … [Read more...] about Win for Feminism: Girl in Your HOD Class Stopped Flirting with a Vandy Boy to Ask a Mildly Intelligent Question!

New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!

November 24, 2021 by Slant Staff

By Connor Pattinson It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s LGBTQI representation in American pop culture! The new Superman, Jon Kent, son of the OG Clark Kent and his baby momma Lois Lane, came out as bisexual. This new hunk has been announced to be starting a relationship with another male character.  At long last, all the Batman//Superman fan fiction in the Slant’s … [Read more...] about New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!

Vanderbilt Announces Number 1 Rankings in Five Exciting New Categories

November 19, 2021 by Slant Staff

The recent release of the USNews university rankings might have some Vandy peeps upset over our dearth of #1 titles. However, let’s not forget all of the amazing things in which Vandy continually comes out on top! Lowest squirrel to sexual assault warning email ratio Vandy is quick to boast the 3:1 squirrel to student ratio, but we think it’s time we give this … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Announces Number 1 Rankings in Five Exciting New Categories

Brian Laundrie Defends Abusing, Slaying Fiancée: ‘Mercury was in retrograde’

November 15, 2021 by Slant Staff

By: Turd Ferguson VENICE, FLORIDA – On Tuesday, Sarasota County police picked up a cryptic, handwritten note near the entrance of the T. Mabry Carlton Jr. Memorial Reserve. The note was signed by Brian Laundrie – former fiancé and alleged killer of the slain Gabby Petito, an Instagram travel blogger. Petito was reported missing by her family on September 11th, ten days … [Read more...] about Brian Laundrie Defends Abusing, Slaying Fiancée: ‘Mercury was in retrograde’

QUIZ: Can You Tell Which Of These Headlines Were Written By An AI?

November 8, 2021 by Sam Sliman: Editor-in-Queef

… [Read more...] about QUIZ: Can You Tell Which Of These Headlines Were Written By An AI?

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

By Sam Sliman
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