In all honesty, I still don’t really know what a Letter from The Editor is. I’ve been the Editor in Chief of Slant for two whole years and I could not tell you. And now, I sit here writing my final letter as Editor, realizing I not only don’t know what I’m supposed to write here, but also that I don’t really know what I did during my entire tenure. I really just winged it. And it worked? Kinda?
Those who know me well, or merely follow me on instagram, know how much I love The Slant. It has been the center of my college career since I joined 3 years ago as a freshman. It has brought me some of my closest friends, defined my career path, and forced me to grow in ways I never thought possible. Trust me, when you are a sophomore named Editor in Chief of an org that is 90% male, and has traditionally been run by men, you are bound to go through some shit. But I made it out and made the shit worth it. Why, then, am I choosing to step down now? Well, for starters I am fucking exhausted. For 24 months I have fought off 9/11 joke after dick joke after weirdly personal joke about my singleness. I have edited piece of shit articles that made me question if our interview process was rigorous enough. I have cried in the wings of Sarratt cinema while hosting a standup show attended by 12 people. At this point, my therapist knows my entire staff by name. In the words of my best friend, “bitch, you need to develop some boundaries around Slant.” Believe it or not, those are not even the primary reasons I am choosing to step down. I mostly decided that I wanted to spend my senior year shotgunning a white claw in the back of a staff meeting, heckling our new editor in chief and pitching all the jokes I can guarantee will get him fired, sued, or to question his support of women in comedy. Sorry Alex, you know I love you dearly. We have spent many hours gossiping over pancakes. But, I also cannot wait to make sure you know how hard this job is. Like the father in a Disney Channel Original Movie, pushing you to reach your full potential is what I live for. Maybe then one day you can figure out what actually goes in a Letter from the Editor.
So, catch me next year writing the occasional oddly specific article and continuing to post on my instagram story like I get paid for promoting Slant. And, of course, handing out Zeppos stickers at tailgates (hopefully!), and silently weeping over how the class of 2022 is the last class to have experienced Zeppos as a Chancellor and not as a place to get a shitty flatbread.
I want to sincerely thank my Slantily (Slant family, for all you dimwitted Hustler writers who couldn’t name a single other writer on your staff), and our loyal readers. Every like, comment, and repost you give The Slant inflates my staff writers’ egos enough for them to pitch an incredibly average joke at our meetings that they think is the shit, that I then have to pretend to be respectful of while offering “insightful” and “constructive” feedback without embarrassing them in front of the rest of the staff. Be warned, Slant PC ‘21. I have no reason to be constructive anymore.
I won’t close with some sappy bullshit about thankfulness, or goodbyes, or how women are funny. That would not be very Slant-y of me. I also don’t want to act like being EIC was my peak. For the love of god, this better not be my peak. No, instead I will silently drift into the back of a Sarratt conference room, lemon white claw in hand, armed with aging Vanderbilt humor and a completely unhinged outlook on life. But not before cheering a sincere, “Anchor Dores, Go Down!”