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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for April 2021

Best Taste of Nashville Restaurants to Get a Taste of This Dick

April 28, 2021 by Slant Staff

After the overwhelming response (0 comments) and professional interest (all of us got invited to write for SNL) that stemmed from our fuckable statues article, The Slant has decided to continue sharing our expertise with the student body. Whether your roommate isn’t leaving or the allure of planking over your partner on an ancient twin mattress isn’t enough, here’s our … [Read more...] about Best Taste of Nashville Restaurants to Get a Taste of This Dick

If Yoda Wrote an Article About Free-Market Capitalism

April 28, 2021 by Anna Horzen

*Narrated by Yoda as The Godfather music plays in the background. Click the link for the full experience.* In the words of one of the greatest philosophers to ever live: “The Sith are the most spoiled, most self-centered, most narcissistic generation the galaxy’s ever produced.” If you disagree, the question of if they aren’t narcissistic why do they insist on wearing … [Read more...] about If Yoda Wrote an Article About Free-Market Capitalism

A Comprehensive Guide of Places to Cry Near Campus for HOD Majors Who Just Failed Their First Baby Bio Exam

April 28, 2021 by Elyse Pedrick

For those of you who feel like the Peabody core requirements are “just as intense as AXLE” and couldn't study for BCSI 1100 because you are SO close to landing that McKinsey gig, this is for you.  The gender neutral bathroom in Elliston by the mail room  Literally no one knows this is a thing. When people get past the initial Elliston carpet smell and see the … [Read more...] about A Comprehensive Guide of Places to Cry Near Campus for HOD Majors Who Just Failed Their First Baby Bio Exam

Help! I Went to Student Health for Crabs and They Prescribed Me Tartar Sauce

April 28, 2021 by Kenzie Macdonald

Last week I woke up next to a frat guy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for AGL, but he was super hot (a Vandy nine, so an actual four). You can call me a hypocrite or whatever, but it was worth it—until I started feeling a little tickly down there. Nothing was harder than sitting in my one in-person class of the week trying not to scratch the fuck out of my cooter, so I just … [Read more...] about Help! I Went to Student Health for Crabs and They Prescribed Me Tartar Sauce

The Slant’s Summer 2021 Celebrity Predictions

April 28, 2021 by Keeley Parker

As the school year draws to a close, many of you will be too consumed with your "summer internships" to keep up with our excellent reporting. That’s no big deal—here are a few of our (highly accurate) predictions about what’s going to happen this summer in the world of celebrity gossip. AkPsi Alum goes down for insider trading  The sky is blue, isn’t it? I feel like … [Read more...] about The Slant’s Summer 2021 Celebrity Predictions

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

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EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

By Sam Sliman
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