By Zak Stengel and Jack Hollier
5. Students Against the Sun
Coming out of a year in which we saw incredible social change, we can’t ignore the fervor and dedication of Students Against the Sun (SATS). If you hate the Sun even in the slightest, you should at least consider joining their weekly protests. In their meetings, students have the chance to yell obscenities at the Sun, prepare legal action against the Sun and plot all kinds of ways to snuff out the Sun’s eternal flame. Even if you’re a staunch Sun supporter, SATS will make you reconsider everything you know about the Sun. There are dozens of orgs to join if you’re passionate about activism, but nothing does more for the advancement of justice than a good old “fuck you” to the Sun.
4. Amish Students’ Society
You may not have heard of this org, but to be fair, they don’t have that great of a social media presence. Formed when students were sent home for “remote learning” at the onset of the pandemic, the Amish Students’ Society was created to defend the rights of Amish Vanderbilt students to learn in person and to uphold their exemption from online class. Now that there are some in-person classes, all three members have returned to campus—so if you’re wondering who’s driving that horse-drawn wagon down Blakemore or vigorously churning butter alongside the Rand tables, it’s most likely one of your favorite A.S.S. members. If you’re interested in joining, send a carrier pigeon to brothers Jebediah and Amos Wagner within a fortnight.
3. Beta Rho Delta: Pre-Ornithology Fraternity
These guys know how to have a good time, plain and simple. Beta Rho Delta, Vanderbilt’s premier pre-ornithology fraternity, is composed of members from all over the world that just can’t get enough of those birds. From cardinals to warblers to ostriches, you name it, they like ‘em. Outside of class, you can find these respectful young gentlemen birdwatching in Centennial or Percy Warner, but make sure you don’t miss out on their parties when they have them (they do LIVE bird calls). They also have plenty of alumni in some the most highly-coveted positions in ornithology, and they can pull enough strings to get you any bird law internship you want. This is one Greek organization you’ll never want to abolish.
2. Critics of the Chinese Communist Party
1. Vanderbilt Onion Society
Potentially the most exclusive org on this list, the Vanderbilt Onion Society is the epitome of high class, elegance and sophistication. On every third Thursday in months with 30 days, every member of the Onion Society gathers on Alumni Lawn at 3:30 a.m. and consumes one raw onion. After, they all migrate off-campus for an Airbnb bacchanal featuring only the most exquisite onion liqueurs, then conclude the night with an onion-themed orgy. As the sun rises, the club carefully chooses new members with specific criteria from among the undergraduate student body before committing mass suicide. Try to pull some strings to join this one if you can (it’s unlikely).