By Julia Schmitt As my honor code signature eerily lingers on campus—along with the Listerine cap freshman me shamelessly took shots from—I feel compelled to honesty. I want to fucking drop kick my cat. He shall remain nameless because I am an ~intentional woman who lights up every room I walk into~, but I’m pretty sure he invented ask.fm, the Electoral College and Derby … [Read more...] about Five Tactics to Put Your Bastard House Cat in His Place
Archives for February 2021
Why I’m Getting Married at Dave & Buster’s
$5 margaritas, Big Bass Pro lottery wheels and enough fiat money to make our American dollar feel obsolete. In essence, Dave & Buster’s is a late-stage capitalist’s paradise. Maybe my strange obsession with game plazas started with my continual exposure to Chuck E. Cheese and its trademark E. coli. The vicious battle between inhaling $20 subpar pizza and my lactose … [Read more...] about Why I’m Getting Married at Dave & Buster’s
More Spit Needed to Power Dean Bandas’ Glorious Student Cloning Experiment
In a measure widely decried by Commons first-years as “not the move,” the Vanderbilt administration shifted to twice-weekly testing for the spring semester. This change in policy comes as Covid-19 ravages the country and, more importantly, Los Angeles, where half of Vanderbilt students are actually from. As always, Slant news is on the case while Hustler news picks its nose … [Read more...] about More Spit Needed to Power Dean Bandas’ Glorious Student Cloning Experiment
My Top Five Replacement Headliners for Lights on the Lawn
So, recently, if you accepted another desperate request from the @lotlvanderbilt Instagram account, you noticed that Loud Luxury will be making a virtual performance for Lights on the Lawn. For my fellow upperclassmen and 5th years, you might remember last year’s performer: Quinn XCII, the human embodiment of a Kia Soul. But with no 2020 Rites of Spring and Bobby Shmurda’s … [Read more...] about My Top Five Replacement Headliners for Lights on the Lawn
Camp Kesem Served with Cease and Desist for “Helping too Many Kids”
In the past few months, student organizations such as Swipes for a Cause and Dores Divest have been chastised by Vanderbilt for the over-improvement of both campus and greater Nashville communities. On the heels of this crucial work, the Vanderbilt administration has brought down its iron fist on yet another student organization, serving Camp Kesem with a cease and desist … [Read more...] about Camp Kesem Served with Cease and Desist for “Helping too Many Kids”