By Turd Ferguson On Monday afternoon, the Dean of the Commons released a memo concerning a new facet of the “virtual roommate” program. In addition to VUcept and regular virtual roommate meetings, Vanderbilt freshmen will now have access to a new Zoom feature – a button on the taskbar that allows them to walk in on their virtual roommate at the worst possible time. “I … [Read more...] about Social Distancing Win: Freshmen Can Now Virtually Walk in on Roommate Jacking Off
Archives for October 2020
Oops, it turns out you drew the short straw in life. That’s right, you’re a woman. First of all, I’m sorry. We women have it rough. As if it wasn't bad enough that we bleed from our ass cracks monthly, are forced to endure the pain of childbirth, and are bad drivers by nature, we also have to worry about something else that happens to us -- being murdered...like a … [Read more...] about Hot Enough To Murder: A Body Positive Guide To Realizing A Psychotic White Guy Would Probably Kill You If You Were Alone at Night
Welcome back Commies! Are you enjoying the smell of sweat in the air? Did you begrudgingly answer some titanic of an icebreaker? If you’re a freshman, have you lost your virginity to a Republican khaki-wearing short king you just met in the communal kitchen but think you’re in love with? Your answers should all be yes because it’s back-to-school season y'all! As I’m sure … [Read more...] about Fall Break is Cancelled! Not Because of Covid, But Because Vanderbilt Hates You!