By Jana Li
When Christopher Columbus came to America, he brought over atrocities such as tomatoes, smallpox, and women who would eventually demand gender equality. Since then, the feminist movement has seen women every decade or so demanding absurdities like suffrage or the ability to control her own body. In fact, to this day, society still faces the same nagging women who want “more rights” — as if having some rights isn’t enough — because we’ve never addressed the problem at its roots. We still accept the antiquated idea that women should be a part of society. In the pursuit of equal rights, let me draw your attention to a simple solution: if there were no women, we wouldn’t have gender inequality.
Simply put, men are better than women. Just look at the cold hard facts: men are stronger, faster, and have larger penises. Why, if you measured value by schlong length alone, women and their “clitorises” (whatever the hell that is) are just a whole big darn scam. As is every supposed invention or achievement accomplished by a woman. Who needs a motorized dishwasher when we’ve got women for that already? Am I right fellas? Because women belong in the kitchen. Like, Susan, I asked for a sandwich, not to be called sexist and demeaning?
And no, I’m not an incel either. I just can’t think of a reason we’d ever need females in the world. As a wise man probably once said, “Treat objects like women.” And no truer words have probably been said. If you’re really craving companionship, all you need is $20. Trust me, a fleshlight gets the job done AND doesn’t ask for anything in return.