It was 2011; a simpler time in society. Back then, we didn’t know that punching students in the face was wrong. We just did it and didn’t think twice.
Well, that all changed on the night of February 24th, when Mr. Commodore whacked this kid right in the fucking nose. Take a look.
So a couple of things I noticed:
1 – What is up with the sound? It’s like the generic mid-2000s NBA Jam crowd noise. I actually thought my headphones were broken. They’re not broken (thanks for asking). The cheering just comes in waves I guess.
2 – Mr. C’s got HANDS. Seriously. He looked like Mike Tyson with that right hook. I mean, he just wailed on him. And the funniest thing is that the punch looked half intentional. I don’t know what that kid did to deserve that. Maybe he tried to take off Mr. C’s head. Or maybe he said some shit about Mrs. C. Whatever it was, Mr. C did not hold back from smacking that kid.
3 – That kid has one of the weakest noses I’ve ever seen. I know he got hit hard, but that’s not an excuse for how quickly the blood spread over his face. In like 5 second he goes from fine to his face covered in blood like he’s Wilson the Volleyball (*Tom Hanks Voice* “I’M SORRYYY WILSON”). It’s not that hard, dude. Just pinch the bridge of your nose and lean back. And using a newspaper to clean up? Talk about black and white and red all over.
4 – Can we talk about Mr. C’s glow up?! My man went from calling LifeAlert to calling your girl (This is a good joke, Jacob. You worked hard on the wording and I think the readers will appreciate it). It’s textbook “You vs the man she told you not to worry about”.
I just wish Mr. C punched someone who actually deserves it, like those guys who whistle during every baseball game. BTW, Vandy basketball ended the season on a 20 game losing streak, but if you thought that was a real slap in the face, just know that it can always be worse.
This isn’t really a video of our mascot assaulting a student. Technically it is, but it has a much deeper metaphorical meaning. We’re Vanderbilt University. We’re not Bama. We’re not LSU. When we try to be cool, even on something as simple as crowd surfing, we fuck it up. That’s who we are. It’s what makes us different from the rest of the SEC. We can’t be Bama on Gameday and Harvard every other day. Something’s gotta give.