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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

Humor and Satire

Archives for March 2019

Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates

March 30, 2019 by Charles Kay

Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates

Kamala Harris She’s a woman, Jamaican, and Indian, ‘nuff said. If you read that as a good thing, congratulations, you’re woke, but also, Dems may need to reign in identity politics if we want to win elections. She’s a cop. But not a fun one, like Ice-T in SVU. She’s more like the judge who, off-screen, locks up the guy Ice-T caught earlier in the episode. Going off … [Read more...] about Assessing the 2020 Presidential Candidates

Frats as Countries

March 22, 2019 by Andrew Gerber

Frats as Countries

Delt - Canada. They’re just too niceZBT - Israel. Obviously because of the JewsSig Nu - America. It’s got such a big military presence AEPi - Palestine. Some people say it exists; some people say it doesn’tFIJI - Cuba. It sounds fun, but ending up there kind of sucksPike - Scotland. Weird place, but the occasional fun partySAE - United Arab Emirates. They’re very rich … [Read more...] about Frats as Countries

Let’s Face it, Blakemore Residents Shouldn’t Get to Vote

March 19, 2019 by Ben Donohoe

Let’s Face it, Blakemore Residents Shouldn’t Get to Vote

Folks, it’s time someone around here just said what’s on all of our minds. With our futures in the hands of the Vanderbilt Student Government electorate in the coming days, I write to you urgently in a time of life-and-death. I don’t care if you’re Reaching Higher with Nico and Taylor, Let’s Going with Frances and Veer or Making Vanderbilt A Clothing-Optional Campus with … [Read more...] about Let’s Face it, Blakemore Residents Shouldn’t Get to Vote

Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum

March 14, 2019 by Shivani Sharma

Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum

Last week in our featured Alumni series, we caught up with a former Vanderbilt finance student who now works as a Wall Street broker, Julian van der Money. This week, we follow Chad Bradwick, a recent philosophy graduate, through a day in his exciting post-grad life. Chad now lives roughly twenty minutes from downtown Chicago. After graduating, he decided to move back to the … [Read more...] about Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum

Vanderbilt to Offer New “IndenturaDore” Indentured Servitude Scholarship

March 14, 2019 by Natalie Martinez-White

Vanderbilt to Offer New “IndenturaDore” Indentured Servitude Scholarship

Chancellor Zeppos and the Vanderbilt Board of Trustees are proud to announce a brand new full tuition scholarship to be offered to the class of 2023 and beyond! The scholarship is said to be inspired by Cornelius “Fuck Labor Day” Vanderbilt and his robber baron history. Students who receive the scholarship get housing and tuition covered in exchange for being Zeppos’ … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt to Offer New “IndenturaDore” Indentured Servitude Scholarship

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