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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for January 15, 2019

Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball

January 15, 2019 by Jacob Feldstein

Big news for Vanderbilt Basketball as four star recruit Scottie Pippen Jr. announced his commitment to the Commodores. Scottie Pippen Jr. is a 6-foot-1 point guard from California and is best known for being the brother of Sophia Pippen, the Season 1 sensation from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars: Juniors. Sophia and her dancing partner, Jake Monreal (best known for his … [Read more...] about Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball

Report: Girl on Phone Waiting to Start Work Any Day Now

January 15, 2019 by Slant Staff

According to anxious watchers, freshman Jane Smith has been typing away on her phone in Sutherland House’s fifth floor common room for six hours and counting. When asked about how long she thought the phone break would last, she replied that she “probably wouldn’t take that long.” “Yeah, all I need to do is start working on my paper that’s due tomorrow --don’t worry … [Read more...] about Report: Girl on Phone Waiting to Start Work Any Day Now

New Class Teaches You It’s OK to be Different as Long as You Agree with Us

January 15, 2019 by Andrew Gerber

Are you a culturally sensitive liberal who longs for more similar-minded students to agree with?  Are you that kind of person who really wants to hear what you already believe over and over again? Are you white and feel a bit guilty?   Coming to Vanderbilt this spring, “Being Liberal and Also a Dick” (PSCI 2032) - a discussion-based class specifically tailored to … [Read more...] about New Class Teaches You It’s OK to be Different as Long as You Agree with Us

Why Do White People Hate Gluten? And Black People?

January 15, 2019 by Alexandra Cuc

First thing's first, what the hell is gluten? Right now the only knowledge I have is that gluten is basically the source of all evil -- it's "literally the worst" and "you could literally die from gluten" but I'm just literally confused on what gluten is. Kourtney Kardashian's diet, consisting of  gluten-free pretzels and non-GMO milk, makes me want to shove my face in a … [Read more...] about Why Do White People Hate Gluten? And Black People?

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Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
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