Ogallala, Nebraska: In what the Ogallala Police Department called the worst crime scene ever witnessed, three were killed early Monday morning as Nebraskans everywhere rushed to get the best Cyber Monday deals. People were lined up hours before stores opened, hoping to catch a steal-o'-deal on a Blu-ray DVD Player. Many, however, reported not having gotten enough blood on … [Read more...] about Three Trampled in Cyber Monday Stampede
Archives for November 2018
Loaves of Bread: The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread
A fresh loaf of bread - wow, yummy! In the past month, hundreds of farm-to-table restaurants have adopted the new trend of serving whole loaves of bread rather than slices. These restaurants intend to challenge the consumer to interact with the loaf, to truly take on the mentality: “Let’s get this bread." Some restaurants even require that customers finish the entire loaf … [Read more...] about Loaves of Bread: The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread
Holy Moly, I just robbed my way into 90 dollars
I may be a burglar but I’m no arrogant fool. I know what my capabilities are and if I can burglar my way into $5, $6 a day, I’m one happy boy. So that’s why I knew I hit the jackpot last night. I strapped on my robbing shoes, robbing shirts (I wear four to cover up the identity of the other shirts), and my robbing gun (two trash cans that I bang really loudly together when I … [Read more...] about Holy Moly, I just robbed my way into 90 dollars
My boyfriend didn’t know girls had urethras, so I peed on him during sex as a teaching moment
It was a Friday night. My boyfriend and I had just finished a bottle of rosé and an especially stimulating episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and were feeling snacky (the perfect mixture of hungry and horny). So, naturally, he suggested that he eat me out. “One sec, I gotta pee first,” I said, as he began shimmying his way downstairs. “Ew, I don’t wanna get my … [Read more...] about My boyfriend didn’t know girls had urethras, so I peed on him during sex as a teaching moment
Gobble, Gobble, Goebels: Thanksgiving with my Neo-Nazi Relatives
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you’re white and from the South like me, that means two things: sweet potatoes and skinheads. Mmhhmmm. Let’s get cookin!!! To be perfectly honest, I love the South: There’s nothing better than good ol’ Southern cooking. Biscuits, stuffing... with a spread this good, you can hardly notice the two eye-holes cut in your uncle’s … [Read more...] about Gobble, Gobble, Goebels: Thanksgiving with my Neo-Nazi Relatives