Folks, I was walking back from Rand when I saw one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen in a long, long time. Over the summer, while I was looking for Mollie Tibbetts’ murderer, Zeppos and his gang of ELITES on the Board of Trustees were implementing a system of Solar Powered Trash Cans throughout campus. I have seen the documentation and I can without a doubt say that these are pure evil. These trash cans were installed by our staff to spread the hoax of global warming.
I’ve read the reports about these trash cans. Ok. This is public information, folks. Here’s the evidence that I uncovered:
Number 1. We can start with the fact that these bins are solar powered. Well the first thing that ticked me off was seeing the Board of Trustees working with the Sun instead of melting like the snowflakes they are. There is simply no way they’re harnessing the Sun’s energy. It’s impossible. I was a garbage man for years (or a garbage man’s man) and I know that there is NO WAY that these cans need electricity. Technology is not that advanced yet, despite what that phallic-looking clown Jeff Bezos wants you to think.
And Zeppos wants to make you believe that the ozone layer is broken from pollution and now the Sun is stronger than ever but that’s simply untrue. The ozone layer has never been stronger, but that won’t stop them from brainwashing you. As for me, the only Sun I trust is the Lord’s son aka Jesus Christ, so of course I don’t believe in solar energy.
Number 2. Who are these people who are attempting to condition your brain? Well again, I read the documentation and I learned that these cans are made by a company out in Massachusetts named Bigbelly. Can’t make this up, folks. They’re hiding in plain sight à la Bin Laden. Well call me Seal Team Sex because I can see their lies and I’m cumming for them.
Big-bellied people are of course the type of people who would benefit the most from making you believe in global warming. You see, fat people have been using climate change to justify how much they sweat. They’ll say “Oh. I’m just sweating because it’s hot outside and the ice caps are melting” or whatever. Here’s an idea, tubby: quit blaming global warming and PUT DOWN THE FORK!
Number 3. Of course they would have a recycling can next to it, too. Well I was curious about this whole recycling fad and did some research. I infiltrated a recycling company a few years back and you’ll never believe what I saw. They just funnel it to the landfills. Now Big Recycling wouldn’t want me saying this, and they’ve probably got a bounty on me by the time you’re reading this, but I am not afraid. If global warming was such a big deal, wouldn’t they put more effort into recycling stuff instead of throwing it out? I thought so. It’s a total hoax.
Well I won’t stand for this or anything of the like, folks. I propose we go back to our old, SAFE, open-air trash cans instead of getting brainwashed by those rat bastards in Vanderbilt’s Board of Trustees who are colluding with Bigbelly. Who’s with me?!