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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for October 2018

Student Petition Demands Vanderbilt Ban Art by Michelangelo for Setting Unreasonable Phallic Expectations

October 31, 2018 by Appa Bollera

NASHVILLE, TN - It's a new day in Tennessee for student-turned-activist Kyle Roth. Roth, a sophomore Economics major, has been the leading voice in a movement and petition on campus to ban all statues and pictures of statues by Michelangelo, in the name of male body positivity. The petition states that the images of male genitalia presented in such art promote unreasonable … [Read more...] about Student Petition Demands Vanderbilt Ban Art by Michelangelo for Setting Unreasonable Phallic Expectations

Inspired by Success of Ofo and Lime, Student Health Center Launches Own Condom Ride-Share Program

October 31, 2018 by Appa Bollera

NASHVILLE, TN - Across Vanderbilt's campus this year, services such as Ofo, Lime, and Bird have rapidly built up large fan bases and proven just how adaptable the ride-share model can be. Officials at the Zerfoss Student Health Center have taken notice and decided to launch their own ride-share program to increase access to STD-preventing contraceptives. As of Monday, October … [Read more...] about Inspired by Success of Ofo and Lime, Student Health Center Launches Own Condom Ride-Share Program

Biden, Vanderbilt Cut Deal to have Clarence Thomas speak at Vanderbilt

October 30, 2018 by Ben Donohoe

NASHVILLE, TN—In an unprecedented political move last evening, Joe Biden and Chancellor Nicholas Zeppos of Vanderbilt University announced that they had reached an agreement to allow Clarence Thomas to respond to Anita Hill’s address on Sunday. Though Biden and Vanderbilt originally planned to allow Hill to speak for a brief period of time, followed by intense questioning from … [Read more...] about Biden, Vanderbilt Cut Deal to have Clarence Thomas speak at Vanderbilt

Fall Break Just Ended, But I Still Want to Die

October 30, 2018 by Alexandra Cuc

The start of fall break: a glorious time when everyone says “I’m going to get so ahead on all my work!” and then ends up watching a vegan chili recipe video on repeat for 13 straight hours - they’re mesmerizing, trust me. Many Vanderbilt students went home during break, but for those of us whose parents don’t love them, we were stuck on a desolate campus in which Rand cookies … [Read more...] about Fall Break Just Ended, But I Still Want to Die

Study Shows: 1 in Every 5 Pieces of Halloween Candy is a Loaded Gun

October 30, 2018 by Sander Fess

For years the FDA has advised caution towards trick-or-treaters due to the possibility of razor blades hidden in unwrapped candy; however, this year they shockingly released the stipulation that one in every five pieces of halloween candy will indeed be a loaded gun. Upon releasing this announcement, parents across the nation were chilled to their milky bones over the … [Read more...] about Study Shows: 1 in Every 5 Pieces of Halloween Candy is a Loaded Gun

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

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