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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for December 10, 2017

How to Prove to Everyone that Finals are Indeed Stressing You Out

December 10, 2017 by Slant Staff

With finals at Vanderbilt in full swing, everyone is dealing with some anxiety and pressure. Sometimes you can wonder whether or not your friends understand that you’re like, really stressed out right now. Here are some tips to prove to everyone else that while they may be stressed, there’s no way they are as stressed as you are.Change your profile picture to a vaguely awkward … [Read more...] about How to Prove to Everyone that Finals are Indeed Stressing You Out

Top 10 Things to put in an Advent Calendar

December 10, 2017 by Tess Batchelder

10. Tiny advent calendars9. Dreidels8. Coal cuz u bad7. Chocolates except one is poisoned so it’s just a surprise countdown to death6. Festivus pole5. Elf droppings4. Small figurines of jesus being crucified to keep you humble3. Trimmings from santa’s beard2. Yellow snow1.Wine bottles (I didn’t make this one up, this Top 10 is really just product placement. Visit … [Read more...] about Top 10 Things to put in an Advent Calendar

TIME Wanted Me to Be Their Person of the Year, but I Just Want a Baby: A Series of Tweets by Donald Trump

December 10, 2017 by Foster Swartz

The LAZY writers at failing #TIME Magazine called me on their GREEN telephone and asked me to be their Person of the Year but said I would need to do a photoshoot at their headquarters, so I said no and thanks anyway and that actually I really just would like a baby. (1/9)I would just like a BEAUTIFUL baby with CHUBBY cheeks that I can take care of and #BREASTfeed. Everybody is … [Read more...] about TIME Wanted Me to Be Their Person of the Year, but I Just Want a Baby: A Series of Tweets by Donald Trump

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@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
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Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

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Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

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