E. Bronson Ingram College Construction Site — Over the past few weeks, several reports have been coming in that sophomore Brent McCluskey has been seen already hanging out in the E. Bronson Ingram common room.
McCluskey has taken residence in the common room since the pink walls went up and shows no sign of vacating any time soon. Surrounded by workers and the ungodly noise of heavy construction, McCluskey appears unfazed; refusing to leave Bronson’s common room despite all of these circumstances.
Observers have noted McCluskey can be seen playing solo missions of Overwatch, eating seemingly endless supply of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and quickly exiting other browser windows once he realizes he’s been noticed.
Reportedly, McCluskey only sleeps for ~30 minutes each night and refuses to leave the common room to use the bathroom, preferring instead to pee in the fake potted plants spotted around the lounge.
With the weather turning colder, University officials fear that the open walls of the current construction site will leave McCluskey vulnerable to the elements. But McCluskey’s parents insist that the stained turquoise blanket they sent from home in his last care package will keep him “warmer than a beaver in July.”
Resident staff have attempted to return McCluskey to his assigned room in Murray, but McCluskey refuses, responding with quote “Nah, I’m good.”